OFF: The Unflattering Rewrite
by HyperInuyasha
Summary: This fan-fic is a rewrite of a game that could be disturbing to some audiences; this fanfic is here to downsize this. This is a fun game for cute children after all. (Chapter 5: The Uncooperative Brother)
1. The Uninteresting Zone 0

**Author's Note:** _This fanfic is a rewrite of the freeware RPG game OFF, made by a guy named Mortis Ghost. Originally released in 2007 in French, an English translation can be found on the ever popular Starmen dot net forum. Go give the game a try before reading this! Since this is supposed to be a non-serious rewrite, the dialogue won't exactly match up with the game, and this will be less serious (until the latter chapters, of course) than the source material. Anyway, let's get this started!_

**_-OFF: The Unflattering Rewrite-_**

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_- This fan-fic is a rewrite of a game that could be disturbing to some audiences; this fanfic is here to downsize this. This is a fun game for cute children after all.-_

_**HyperInuyasha** presents, in collaboration with **Unproductive Funtime** (except not really)..._

**_OFF by Mortis Ghost_**

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**Enter your name.**

Hyper and Readers

**Are you a boy or a girl?**

Boy  
Girl  
Does it really matter?

**Okay fine. Be a smartass. Anyway, you have been assigned to The Batter, some sort of sports pajama wearing clown. He's on a sacred mission to be a Ghostbuster. Or whatever. Since this is a non-interactive medium, please at least watch this guy and make sure he doesn't do anything too rash.**

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**Chapter 0: The Uninteresting Zone 0**

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A man wearing baseball player garb stood at the entrance of a yellow colored place, surrounded by floating blocks; why he was here other than anywhere else, I don't know.

"Neither do I." The Batter answered.

Fair enough. The Batter walked across a yellow bridge to a building; the only building in Zone 0, to be precise. He took a quick glance around his surroundings; it was just strange seas, as far as the eye could see. The only land in Zone 0 seemed to be the building and its foundations; why anyone would create a land without any use, no one knows. Get your theory pants on, guys!

"Oh, what do we have here?" A cat strode out of the building; he had much more teeth than the average cat, but his intelligent looking smile seemed friendly. "Are you an illusion? I'm fairly certain that you are, considering that I'm the only resident of Zone 0. Yes, definitely. What my your name be, dear figment of my imagination?"

"I am The Batter. I'm here on a sacred mission." The Batter answered in a stoic tone.

"I wasn't referring to you; rather, I was referring to the observers sitting behind the metaphysical fourth wall." the cat looked at the narration, hoping that I would catch it and record it in the story. Which I just did.

"Those are the Readers; one of them is Hyper, the narrator. The Readers can't talk to us, except for Hyper. He breaks the fourth wall in his stories anyway."

Hey, how's it going?

"It's nice to meet you, even if you are nothing more than a hallucination." the cat answered back. "I am The Judge, talking member of the feline species. We felines do enjoy rubbing ourselves upon passerbys; they gawk at us as we adorably size up to them." The Judge walked up to the Batter and started rubbing himself on his leg.

"Stop. You're getting cat fur on my clothes." The Batter said in disdain.

"Hmm? You are not enjoying this playful treatme-"

The Batter shot a cold glance at the cat, his stare looking into his soul. "Step away from my uniform."

The Judge hissed and jumped away from him. "That was rather cold-hearted, wouldn't you say? It was an interesting meeting, nevertheless. I hope we could all meet again, so I could confirm your existence." With that, the Judge teleported up the side of the building, since climbing ladders are for squares.

Speaking of squares, the Batter went over to one of the doors available; a square block stood in front of the doorway. He tried to climb over the block, but to no avail. "This block is obstructing my path." Inside his head, the Batter cursed Mortis Ghost for making him unable to climb over a knee-high block. He tried the other door; he found himself in a small room with numbers engraved on the wall. "Strange..." With nowhere else to go; the Batter decided to exit the room and go up the ladder. The Judge was there, waiting for us.

"Aha, it appears that you and your party are all indeed real. Excuse me for doubting your existence. While we are on this path, do you wish for me to enlighten you with some teachings on the fundamentals of battling? It may serve useful in your quest." the Judge questioned.

The Batter shook his head. "There's no point, really."

"...Ah yes. I do not wish to bore the Readers with my teachings; I already suspect that I'm already exhausting them with my extensive vocabulary... however downsized as it may be." The Judge continued up the building and entered through a staircase on the roof, with the Batter following suit. Inside was a room with floating block switches in the corners of the room, another wall engraved with numbers, and of course, the obligatory knee-high block blocking the staircase to the next floor.

"What's with these switches?" asked the Batter.

The Judge chuckled. "It's my security system. Of course, it's hardly much of a system, considering the hints on the wall; then again, intruders would have to make sense of these clues to delve deeper into my home. Why don't you attempt to solve this problem?" The Judge suggested. The Batter nodded, and, using the hints on the wall, hit the switches in the correct sequence, which caused the block obstructing the staircase to disappear; I would tell you precisely how the Batter did it, but this is a fanfic, not a walkthrough. Our hero followed the feline down the steps and was confronted with another set of switches. "Come now, use that cerebral organ in your head and bring us to the ground floor."

"...Why am I unlocking all of your doors for you?"

"You'll probably find other security systems of this nature throughout your proclaimed journey, so it would be wise to practice with such puzzles in case you run into predicaments." The Batter sighed and went about solving the puzzle.

"Are you satisfied?" The Batter questioned through clenched teeth.

"Oh yes!" The Judge ran down the stairs; the Batter saw the talking cat gorging on a bowl of cat food. "Om nom... the succulent reward reveals itself... hmm... Alma Cat Food. Truly Zacharie has outdone himself."

The Batter did not know who this Zacharie guy was, nor did he care; his attention was on yet another switch puzzle, which blocked the door to the other side of the building. "Could you get rid of this for me?"

"Om nom nom... this food is so splendid..."

"Of course." The Batter groaned. He went through the other available door, which led him back outside. He visited the other room, memorized the numbers on the wall, went back, and inputted the combination on the switches, granting him access to the other side of the building. Outside was a walkway similar to that on the other side, except with a red block in the center.

The Judge came out of the building. "Ah, interacting with that block heals any wounds you've accumulated, restores your competence (aka the equivalent of skill points in this game), and it brings you to the nothingness, a hub world of some nature, which allows you quick passage to the other zones of this world. As you can see, this is a red cube, which contrasts horribly with the color of this wasteland; you'll eventually come across cubes that are the more appealing color of yellow, which merely just heals you. I tend to travel through the zones a lot, with these red cubes as helpful aid. Wait, hold on..." The cat started to cough; he then spit out a hairball with a card inside of it. "Ack... I believe I consumed too much. Anyway, this is a strange trinket referred to as a Leo Card, which gives you passage to Zone 1. I have a spare card myself, so you are welcome to make use of it yourself."

"...Thanks?" the Batter responded, holding the card in his fingertips.

"Right then, I wish the best of luck for your lot; Batter, Hyper, and the Readers." The Judge started back inside before turning around. "Excuse me for this inquirement, but why are you wearing the garb of a baseball player, of all things?"

The Batter glared at him again.

"...Yes, I shouldn't be judging the interests of others, as strange as it may be. Enjoy your travels, my sportive friend and enlightened observers!" With that, the Judge went back into his residence. The Batter calmed down and placed his hand on the red block...

Suddenly, he was in a dark realm. A floral like design was on the floor, with various red points strewn across it; whispering could be heard from all directions, coming from nowhere in particular, filling the Batter's ears; most baffling of all was the words 'WORLD MAP (?)' inching across the floor. "...Mhm hmm. Preeeety neat." He admitted. He stepped on one of the red points; the Leo Card started to react to it. The Batter smiled, placing his hands around his baseball bat weapon. "Hyper, Readers... let's go purify the world."

The Batter disappeared into a halo of light as he entered the true first zone; he thought Zone 0 was pretty lame.

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_The story is now on** PAUSE**_

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_**Author's Note:** Are you enjoying this? I hope so. There are currently 24 chapters planned for this rewrite; if I write one chapter a week then this story would take... 6 months to complete. Yeowch. It'll be a fun six months though. Remember to leave reviews, be it compliments, criticism, or death threats!_


	2. The Unreal World

_**Author's Note:** To make this rewrite more interesting, I decided to make a significant change to one of the characters. Who is it? Find out!_

_Also, I would like to apologize for the lack of British spelling. I'm sorry that the 'Spectres' are called 'Specters'. Curse you school! Yes, I blame school for this._

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_The story is now on** ON**._

_**Chapter 1**: The Unreal World_

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A gnarled hand reached for the phone early in the morning, or whatever passes as morning in this world. "Urrrgh... yeah? What the fuck do yo... oh. Y-Your highness? Oh cra- I mean, oh no, I'm sorry. ...Yes? ...Shortage of metal in Zone 3? ...Slow down your highness, and stop drinking.. uh-huh... ..but I don't like the cows and it interferes with my sche... yeah, fine, I'll investigate. ...Fine, I'll keep my jacket closed." He slammed the phone back on its receiver. "God, I have to get to work this early in the morning? What a pain..."

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The Batter appeared on another walkway, this one being light green; light green seemed to be the color of Zone 1's exterior. The Batter walked down the walkway (passing by a red box, which was presumably the way out of the place) as a light rain poured. The baseball playing hero was pleasantly surprised to find actual civilization: a large sign that read 'ELSEN' hung over a train station, where a few men were milling around.

These men were known as Elsens; their bodies were the same (pale and bald), and almost all of them wore a businessman garb. The one closest to the Batter spoke to him, all while taking a gasp of air. "Train #1 is a useful way to get around Zone 1."

"...Thanks." The Batter responded.

"Train #2 hasn't been in use for quite awhile, though."

The Batter was already getting annoyed by the Elsen. "That is useful information, but why are you talking to m-"

"Zone 1 produces all elements essential to life."

"Shut u-"

"However, our work has been, um, hampered by the specters recently."

Something suddenly sparked within The Batter. "Specters? Where are they?"

"I... I know that some are infesting the mines. You can uh, take the train ther-" The Batter was already getting into the train; purification first, talk later.

He wiped his shoes on a mat inside the train before taking a seat. He fidgeted around, thinking about his mission. He glanced outside of the window and saw a baffling sight. "What the-?" Hanging in the cloudy sky were giant words saying, '**ZONE 1**.'

"Isn't it impressive?" A gasp came from an Elsen sitting in the train. "The giant transparent sign that the Queen's supervisor ordered us to put up surely, uh, impresses visitors. Are you, um, impressed?"

The Batter decided to just ignore him and whistled a tune to himself, while the Elsen got tired of waiting for an answer and just started looking out the window. Eventually, the train lurched to a stop; the Batter exited the train, finding himself at the station, 'DAMIEN.' He continued on a linear path until he saw a small area with a building and two staircases leading down into the world; the path to one of the staircases was obstructed by blocks. The Batter heard a wheeze as he saw an Elsen exiting the building, wearing a miner's hat on his head.

"Uh... a visitor? Um... it's been awhile since we had, um, a visitor." the Elsen rasped. "Well, welcome to the smoke mines. Are you the, uh, inspector?"

"No. I am The Batter, and I've come to eliminate the impure ghosts in this zone." The Batter answered.

"The... Batter? I... are you here to play on Damien's, um, baseball team?"

"...What? No."

"I.. well, might you be a prophet? Or a man of some belief?"

"Something like that."

"Well... welcome to the smoke mines. Um... it's not a very fond welcome though... considering the uh, ghosts in the mines."

The Batter, no doubt wanting to rid any confusion we the audience had (you guys are probably wondering about the Elsens and what's wrong with this world; these will be answered later) about this "smoke mine", so he decided to question the Elsen. "What are these smoke mines?"

The Elsen briefly went back into the building and brought out a diagram showing intricate drawings of mines, tools, and explanations. "Right, you are in the smoke mines of Damien. The miners here go into the mines and, well, using a multitude of tools, unearth pieces of metal, which frees smoke from the earth's crust." He flips over the picture, which showed a detailed explanation on why lung cancer is less worse than not breathing. "By doing this, we bring a steady supply of smoke so that, um, we could breathe. We let most of it flow free in the air, but we bottle some of the smoke up to, uh, send to the other zones.

"As the first of the four elements, smoke is the most important. Because without smoke, people would have no air to breathe."

Yes, that's the explanation for smoke. No, I'm not making this up for the sake of the remake, this is the canon explanation; the manufacturing for the other elements are just as convoluted.

"...Ah. So, about the ghosts in the mines?" The Batter asked.

"Uh yes, well... the ghosts have interrupted our work in the mines. ...I... think you don't have the clearance to enter the main mine shaft. No. I don't think..."

"Hmm, could you tell me where the chief of the specters is?"

"The... chief of the specters?"

"The person in conducting them. If I defeat him, all the other ghosts would disappear."

"Oh. Uh... I'm... not sure about that, but um, one of the miners saw something... strange down the abandoned annex the other day... that might be what you're looking for." The Elsen pointed over to the staircase that was available. "Uh... I guess it's alright if you, um, check it out."

"Alright then." The Batter went over to the entrance and went down its steps. The interior of the Earth was a fine purple, being brightened by lamps along its walls. The Batter walked down the corridor until he reached the end, where he found... "The Judge?"

The cat looked up at him. "Ah, if it isn't The Batter, Hyper, and the Readers. Even though we've last encountered each other 20 minutes ago, I'm ecstatic to see you again. Why are you descending this annex? It just leads to a dead-end; surely the supervisor informed you of this."

"I'm here looking for the chief of the specters." The Batter paused. "Are you him?"

"Surely you jest. No, I am not the 'chief of the specters'. I'm just a frequent trespasser of this spot, as I am quite fond of it. If you're looking for something, this foul-mouthed phenomenon might interest you."

"Shut the hell up. I'm not foul-mouthed." said a small, yet gruff voice. The Judge moved out of The Batter's way, revealing a halo of light floating in the air at the end of the hall.

"I believe that thing is called an Add-On. I've heard many theories on these things; supposedly, these things assist you in battle." The Judge explained. "Try as I might, however, I am not compatible with this Add-On."

"Because you're a damn cat." the Add-On commented.

The Judge rolled his eyes. "Perhaps you can attempt to join forces with it, seeing as you have a different spiritual order than I."

"Okay..." The Batter walked up to the Add-On and poked it; the floating ring discharged a burst of light in response to this.

The Add-On floated up and down in acceptance. "Hm. It seems that you're worthy of my help, despite your appearance."

"Are you insulting my clothes?" The Batter snapped.

"Yes. You look like a clown in that get-up, for fuck's sake."

"..."

"But, it looks like we're bonded now, so I'm forced to stick with you. I'm Alpha."

"The Batter." Alpha floated behind him so that he could start his RPG party member service.

**Add-On Alpha has joined your party!**

"Hyper, why are you announcing the obvious?" The Judge asked.

Because... shut up.

"Well, it's been a pleasure seeing you again, Judge." The Batter gave the Judge a small wave before heading back to the exit, Alpha in tow.

"So, what's the deal with you, Batter?" Alpha asked.

"I'm on a mission to purify the world of these foul spirits."

"You mean the ghosts?"

"Yes."

"Ha. Good luck with that."

The odd pair exited the annex and The Batter went to talk to the Elsen supervisor again. "I didn't find the chief of the specters there."

"That's... unfortunate. Well, I suppose you can investigate the main shaft... the regulations does say that uh, someone can investigate the mine in times of... emergency. So... there..." the Elsen walked up to the blockade of blocks and made them disappear.

As The Batter walked through where the blocks once were, Alpha whispered to him, "You could have just walked in between those blocks."

"regrettably, the universal laws here forbid me from doing so." The Batter answered with a sigh.

"That is the stupidest fucking thing I've heard."

"I know." The Elsens surrounding the main shaft's entrance regarded the two with curiosity as they descended. They emerged at the mine's entrance room, where a few worried Elsens were.

"A-are you... visitors? Be careful, the mine is... dangerous..."

"My head feels like... exploding... from the worry..."

"Please... get rid of the specters... w-we cannot work..."

"Will do." The Batter continued down the mine and ran into the next room. He pulled out his bat, while looking around the room. "Show yourselves, corrupted children, so that I may judge your corrupted souls!"

That's when they appeared; the ghosts appeared in a circle around The Batter and Alpha. The ghosts looked like those silly fake bedsheet ghosts, except not fake at all. Alpha regarded them with disbelief. "These things are a threat? These guys look like they come from a stupid book for children."

The Batter ignored him, looking at the ghosts surrounding them. "Prepare for our judgement."

The Batter sprung into action; he ran up to the first ghost and swung his bat. The surprised ghost disappeared as it was defeated in a single blow. He Wide Angle'd (the Competence version of Tattling, like in Paper Mario) the ghosts with his watchful eyes. "These are Common Specters. They're relatively weak, so they're no threat."

"If you say so." Alpha grunted. The ring flew into one of the ghouls, instantly defeating it. As the two ghost fighters prepared for their next move, the Common Specters swiped at them from all directions, doing a decent amount of damage to the pair.

The fight continued on with its cycle; The Batter and Alpha took out a ghost each and the Common Specters attacked after they made their move. It took around two minutes before all the ghosts were eradicated. "Adversaries purified..." The Batter took a second to catch his breath. He walked up to a yellow floating block on the side and used it to heal himself and Alpha. "Let's continue on then."

The upper path was blocked by, you guessed it, knee-high blocks; this forced them to take the eastbound path. As The Batter and Alpha walked through the maze-like mines, they started to run across more ghosts.

"Ah ah..." A raspy voice shot from the ground along with a hand. A ghoul with a metallic imp body and a tail pulled itself up and coughed up a burst of smoke, which it no doubt sucked up in the ground. The Batter regarded it with disdain as he gave it a Wide Angle. "That's a January. It's a bit tough, but both of us can take it."

"Alright. Take this, you phantom of shit!" The Batter and Alpha took turns hitting the ghoul known as January, while taking punches from him. Eventually, the January was felled. Then, they heard the clattering of teeth down one of the corridors; flying disembodied heads suddenly came at them.

The Batter used Wide Angle again. "Those are Magnolias. They'll give you Chronic Migraines, which will blind you." He took a swing of the bat and whacked one of the Magnolias back down the corridor. "They're not much of a problem though."

"YEEEEE!" one of the Magnolias screeched; it afflicted a Chronic Migraine on Alpha.

"Yargh! I can't see!" the hot-blooded Add-On screamed as he flew around aimlessly. He attempted to ram into the Magnolia that gave it to him, but ended up flying past it. The Batter ran in to help, and by the time he recovered, Alpha managed to deal the finishing blow.

The Batter held up what looked like a prayer slip, which said 'Luck Ticket' on it. "Here, take one." He stuck the ticket onto Alpha and it dissolved into him, curing his wounds.

"Thanks for that. Let's get back to figuring out how to get out of this stupid place." said Alpha. The two wandered around, continuing to run into Januarys and Magnolias; they briefly met an Elsen in the mine, who was trying to carry on with his work. They also found a safe room full of Elsens and scored a box full of Belilal's Meat (which healed status ailments) before getting shushed away. They found several other chests, also containing various items. Eventually, they reached a corridor with a ladder leading upward, while the path that continued further in the bowels of the mine was blocked.

"Nowhere to go but up." The Batter grunted. He climbed up the ladder, with Alpha floating up behind him. They emerged at another landmass of Zone 1, this one having a farmland (or something that's close to a farmland) on it.

An Elsen noticed the two coming up and rushed over. "You... came from... the mines? But it's... d-dangerous in there."

"We know." The Batter responded stoically.

"That didn't stop one idiot from working down there though." Alpha mentioned.

"Oh... then he is certain to uh... get eaten by a grue."

"What?"

"It... it's a ghost that uh, lurks in the dark."

"Oh."

The Batter looked around. "Where are we?"

The Elsen brought out a poster board (like you'd see at a school science fair), looking overjoyed to explain this. "Uh, you're at the metal farmsteads of Pentel." He moved his finger from a map of Zone 1 (which was a bunch of disjointed landmasses) to a picture of farmers and cows. "Here, we raise cows so that the metal boulders inside of them may grow. When cows are properly matured, we cut them in half and retrieve the metal boulders from their cadavers. Um, the useless metal is used to build the ground we walk on, while the more useful ones are used to build the tools and machines we need." He pointed at a map labeled 'The Queen's Land' (which just had a huge question mark on it). "We send some of the metal to the other zones, so that they may construct things too. As the first of the four elements, metal is the most important.

"Because without metal, people would have nothing to walk on. They would fall and drown."

...Seriously Readers, I'm not making this stuff up.

"..I thought smoke was the most essential element?" The Batter questioned.

"...The man who told you that is a liar." the Elsen said without hesitation. "Oh, do you two... fight specters?"

"Yes."

"Well there are... ghosts infesting one of the big barns... it is very um... f-frightening. We... haven't met our metal quota for Zone 3 because of... them. The Queen's inspector will be... here soon... Can you... help?"

The Batter hesitated before nodding. "Okay." The Elsen pointed off to which barn was being infested and The Batter started to head off in that direction.

"Why are we doing this?" Alpha asked.

"...I need to see the Queen's inspector. This might be a good opportunity..." The Batter answered, vaguely. They walked toward the barn. They passed by several Elsens, who were either observing cows or extracting meat from cows that were cut in half (yeah I know it's weird, shut up). There were some Elsens pushing around metal boulders and putting them into piles, preparing to ship some of them to the other zones. When the duo reached the barn, there was a small crowd of Elsens standing in front of it.

"Oh... you're here to fight... the phantoms?" an Elsen asked.

"Yes." Both the Batter and Alpha answered.

"...Ah. P-Please hurry up... before the i-inspector, um, arrives. There are five ghosts in there... good luck." The Batter interacted with a yellow block in front of the barn and entered.

The inside of the barn was a calming blue (The Batter was sure that most building interiors in this land was blue). The cows in the barn were bewildered, getting harassed by large ghosts. "Fat Specters. Much more malevolent than their common counterparts." The Batter commented. Him and Alpha ran at the nearest ghost and started whaling on it.

"Ah ah!" the Fat Specter shrieked; a bubble formed in its mouth and he spat it out. It was a word bubble, with 'Ah ah' inside of it.

"AH AH!" The word bubble cackled as it used Chronic Migraine on Alpha, which successfully hit.

"DAMN IT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MEEEEEE-!" Alpha screamed as his attempt to ram the Fat Specter failed miserably because of this. He turned around and blindly rushed at the word bubble; luckily, he managed to hit it and defeated it instantly. The Batter managed to take out the Fat Specter by himself.

"There are four more left. Let's go." The two went back to purging the barn. Despite the strength of the Fat Specters, the Batter and Alpha still managed to defeat them; this was made easier after they defeated the second one, when they both gained new Competence (the healing 'Saving First Base' for The Batter and the offensive 'Saturated Chain' for Alpha). The last of the Fat Specters was hiding inside the barn's basement, floating behind a formation of metal boulders. "...Seems simple enough." The Batter went about solving the puzzle, like Professor Layton. Or something.

"...Fuck this." Alpha simply floated above the tedious puzzle and started Saturated Chaining the Fat Specter.

"...That's one way to solve a puzzle." The Batter said while sweatdropping. By the time he got to the other side, the Fat Specter was purified, but two word bubbles were still floating around; Alpha was flying around aimlessly while spouting a stream of curses, having been blinded yet again. "Here." The Batter threw a Belial's Meat at Alpha, which the Add-On eagerly absorbed, healing his eyesight.

"Thanks. Now come here, you screaming parasites!" Alpha yelled at the word bubbles (whether they were actually sentient or not was questionable). Together, they defeated the word bubbles.

"The barn is now pure." The Batter looked at a pad on the floor. "I think that will bring us back to the exit."

The Batter and Alpha stepped onto the pad and emerged at the barn's entrance. Before they exited, Alpha commented, "Hold up, I can hear someone outside..." And indeed, they could hear a voice different from an Elsen's nervous one...

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_The story is now on **PAUSE**_

_**Author's Note:** If you haven't noticed, the character I changed was Alpha. The Add-Ons of OFF don't speak at all, so, for the sake of the rewrite, they talk now. Hooray! So, who is the person outside? Well, OFF fans already knows this, but how about the rest of you (go play OFF by the way)? Find out in the next chapter of 'OFF: The Unflattering Rewrite!"_


	3. The Unsettling Workplace

_**Author's Note:** Hey, let's have another chapter of dumb remake!_

_The story is now on **ON**._

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_**Chapter 2:** The Unsettling Workplace_

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The inspector entered the farmsteads from the nothingness. A long coat covered his fleshy, yet skeleton-like body. He clenched his jaw, which was large and possessed many teeth. His eyes glared at the Elsens, who all stepped away from him nervously. "Where is the damn supervisor?"

An Elsen stepped up to him. "Th-That would, um, be me."

"Right then. Can you explain why there's been less metal in Zone 3 lately? Lord Fatass over there needs it, and I really don't have the time to deal with this shitfest." the inspector growled.

"I... um... it all started two days ago..."

"Just get to the point. This stupidity is already throwing my schedule out of whack."

"...Right. Basically, the sp-specters invaded one of our barns. So... we haven't been providing enough metal for Zone 3."

The inspector nodded. "See? Was that so hard to say? Now, show me where the damn phantoms are."

"You shouldn't be worrying about it, um... sir. Someone is... taking care of the problem. As we speak." the Elsen wheezed.

"What!" the hot-headed man exploded. "Do you not know what you're saying? Only the Queen and her Guardians have the power to deal with the shithead ghosts! Where is this clown?"

"I... I'll show you." the Elsen dragged him over to the big bard, which emanated sounds of conflict. "He's... um, been in there for several minutes already."

"...That idiot is going to die." the inspector huffed. He turned, his coat whirling around him. "This is stupid. I'm leaving."

The Elsen blocked his path. "B-But... what about... the specters?"

"Have you ever felt a cow bite before? It hurts like a bitch. Normally I'd risk it, but with all this stupidity going on, I'm pretty sure that I'd have a 100% chance of turning into an idiot, like the rest of you lot. Besides, I have no time for these shenanigans."

"But-"

"Shut your trap. I'm going back to Alma. The people there are more respectable than you fools. And they certainly don't waste your time spouting bullshit."

"I-"

"I command you. Fuck off this instant, if you wish to keep your job."

"S-Sir!" another Elsen appeared to break up the tension. "There are... um, phonecalls for you."

The inspector roared. "You heard him! Get outta my sight!" The poor Elsen finally decided to step out of his way. The Batter and Alpha, who had been eavesdropping the entire time, stepped out of the barn.

"Who was that?" The Batter asked.

"He... y-you're... alive?" the Elsen was in disbelief. "...you must be very lucky."

"That was not luck." Alpha growled.

"We got rid of the specters." The Batter said. He showed no reaction to the Elsen dropping his jaw. "Who was that man?"

"T-that was Dedan... the Queen's royal inspector. ...He is, er, quite frightening." The Elsen stammered.

"That's all I needed to hear." With that, The Batter left him.

"What's the deal with this Dedan guy?" Alpha asked.

"I need to eliminate him." The Batter said in a vague manner. Speak of the devil, Dedan roared from a small building.

"What? There are ghosts in the smoke mines? Why didn't you idiots tell m- the post office? They're there too? For fuck's sake, you Elsens are useless. Why didn't anyone tell me this earlier? ...I'll head to the post office first. That's the place that pisses me off the least." Dedan left the building and stormed over to the smoke mine entrance and went down. Another shout came from him. "Oh, for the love of- who locked this thing?"

While the Elsens were listening to Dedan's frustration with some interest, The Batter was already running. "After him." He said to Alpha. They went to the entrance and descended; they could see that the barriers that were in place earlier were now gone. Without hesitation, they went down the recently opened path. As they went deeper into the bowels of the mines, the lamps got dimmer and dimmer until it was dark; the only light radiated from Alpha, whose circle body provided a glow around him and The Batter. "Lead the way." The Batter encouraged him to go in front.

"What am I, Rudolph?" Regardless of his annoyance, the Add-On led the way anyway. They wandered through the dark, where more Januarys and Magnolias ambushed them.

"Take this, you half-blind pest!" They heard Dedan fighting a phantom deeper in the mine. A ghostly wail was heard as Dedan grunted in satisfaction. "That'll teach you. Hmm... another damn blockade. Where's the switch?" He muttered.

"We need to hide, before he sees you." The Batter hissed at Alpha. They ran around the corner and hid out in a dead-end corridor. They stopped to catch their breaths when they heard giggling.

"Hee hee hee..." Three chuckling ghosts materialized. They had a similar form with the Common Specters; however, there was more life and energy reflected in one of their eyes, the other being covered by an X.

"Half-Blind Specters. These things pack quite a pu-" Before the Batter could finish with his Wide Angle, one of the ghosts swung at his stomach, making the faux-baseball player double over in pain. The Batter looked up in rage, and, using a recently gained Competence, Special Homerun, attacked the ghost with a spiritually charged hit. Alpha started to help out, attacking the Half-Blind Specters with Saturated Chain. The trio of ghosts were quickly dealt with.

While The Batter healed them up with Saving First Base and Luck Tickets, Dedan was heard saying, "The switch is now on ON? Who's the idiot that designed these switches? It'd be a lot easier if it said 'the switch is on'..." he grumbled as his footsteps echoed in the mine.

"The way should be open now." The Batter said. They advanced and followed Dedan's footsteps as the lamps brightened around them.

"...I don't have time to look at your shit! My schedule's already ruined as it is!"

"Ah, well that's disappointing." A new, much more relaxed voice was heard. The Batter and Alpha rushed in, but Dedan had already left; however, there was a different man there. He wore a mask that looked like a mime's face and he wore a shirt with a heart on it. He had black hair and wasn't pale, so he definitely wasn't an Elsen. "Ha ha ha. The characters certainly are piling up, aren't they?"

"Pardon?" The Batter responded.

"There are a lot of characters being introduced this early in the story, and we haven't even met one of them yet proper. The Readers out there no doubt prefer more action, rather than all this mindless talk."

"...Who are you?" Alpha questioned in a confused tone.

"I am Zacharie, the traditional shopkeeper essential in every video game. Although, in this case, we're in a fanfic of a video game." the man said with a chuckle.

"A fanfic?"

"Yes, a fanfic. Although, Hyper prefers to call it a rewrite. As you can see, some characters have their personalities edited. Such as Dedan, who is now obsessed with keeping on an ordered schedule. Never mind his behavior. He was always like that."

"...Are you on drugs?"

"Haha, most certainly not. The Director embargoed me from selling those." Zacharie paused. "Oh dear, it seems that I mentioned another character. I should at least be glad that I only told his nickname instead of anything else important. Keeping characters vague are sure to keep the Readers wanting."

"..." Alpha was at a loss for words, and wasn't even sure what insult to call him.

"Well, I'm glad that we're done blathering, 'Add-On that didn't speak in the original game'. Now, show me the color of your credits!"

"You mean these?" The Batter pulled out wads of paper, which he picked off of the specters they've been fighting.

"Excellent!" laughed Zacharie. "Now, what do you wish to buy?" He showed a list of things that The Batter could purchase; the masked man pulled the things he wanted out of hammerspace. The Batter bought a few types of meat (which all healed status ailments and restored Competence), Luck Tickets, some weapons (Bats for him, Symbols for Alpha; yes, I know this game is weird, stop thinking that), and some defensive equipment. As the two ghost fighters equipped their new gear, Zacharie said, "Pleasure doing business with you. I'll have some new things in stock the next time you see me."

"Next time?" The Batter said with a raised eyebrow.

"As I said, I'm the essential shopkeeper. My presence is always required, and I'm likely to show up somewhere ahead of you. Catch you later, haha..." With that, Zacharie wandered back into the mine.

"What a weirdo." Alpha muttered. When they got everything on, they went into the next room.

An Elsen sat behind a desk in front of an elevator. Upon seeing the two entered, he gasped. "What... w-where did you... how... you came from... the smoke mines?"

"Yes." The Batter answered.

"But... why would you, um... risk yourself... it's awfully dark in there..."

The Batter pointed at Alpha. "He guided me. We came to purify the mines. The ghosts here are quite numerous, though."

"We're also following Mr. Shouty McJerkAss." Alpha grunted.

"Mister... um... what...?" The Elsen stammered.

"He meant Dedan, the Queen's inspector and the man in charge of this zone." The Batter answered. "Where exactly are we?"

The Elsen opened his desk and brought out a folder labeled, 'PLASTIC'. He opened it up and showed the pictures and forms inside. "Hhh... you're at the plastic administrations of Shachihata. Our work involves, um, filling in forms. We wrap the forms in string and send them off to the courier service. They ship the packages and in return, we get plastic. A lot of liquid plastic forms the lakes and oceans, and some plastic is, hhhghh, used to make solid objects. As the first of the four elements, plastic is the most essential.

"Because without plastic, the world would have no boundaries. People would walk and walk without stopping."

The Batter and Alpha stared at him, having intently listened to his explanation. The Batter spoke, "Metal is the most essential element, is it not?"

"I... I have no idea. What you're... talking about." the Elsen replied.

"...Wait just a second." Alpha said. "If the post office already has the plastic, why the hell do you people have to fill in forms and send them? Isn't that unnecessary? And also kind of stupid?"

The Elsen held his head in his hands. "Hhhhhggghhh... stop... asking me these things..."

"Yes, stop." The Batter agreed.

"Wait... um... you two h-hunt the specters... r-right?" the Elsen whispered. "I... I have reason to believe that the specters are coming from, ummm, the postal service. Yes. The postal service."

This immediately grabbed The Batter's interest yet again. "The postal service?"

"Yes. That's w-where we send the forms. M-Master Dedan also has the lift to his office... there. But... no one remembers what floor the postal service is, um, on."

If Alpha had eyes, he would be giving the Elsen a completely deadpan look. "Okay, so not only do you guys go through an asinine process for something you already have, but you people have no idea where you actually ship the forms from? ...Mr. Shouty McJerkAss is right. You people are useless."

"..." The Elsen stayed silent.

"Ignore him. Let's just investigate." They went into the lift behind the Elsen. Instead of the usual elevator puzzles, there was a number pad. The Batter imputed 'one' and went up to the ground floor (he felt a small amount of pity for the Elsen who was stuck in the basement). He and Alpha waited in the elevator before the door slid open with a ding.

"Form 3817, stamp 18394."

"Form 5839, stamp 38592."

"Form 2792, stamp 28894."

The first floor had an blue office full of Elsens - they were all preoccupied with signing piles of forms to retrieve the sought out plastic.

"Hey." Alpha called out, betting on a long shot. "Do any of you saps know where the postal service is?"

"Form 2937, stamp 95032."

"Form 6937, stamp 73913."

"Form 9857, stamp 48056."

"Yeah thanks." He whispered to The Batter, "This is going to take forever."

"Hmm... let's check out what they have on the top floor." The Batter commented. He put in '99999' and hit the button; it would be awhile before they reached the top.

Awkward elevator music played as they ascended."So, why are you out for this Dedan guy?" Alpha questioned as they rode the elevator up.

The Batter wasn't really much for small talk, but he decided to humor the Add-On. "He's the guardian of Zone 1."

"Guardian?"

"Yes. Each of the Zones have a guardian."

"Huh. These guardian people sound important. ...What the hell do they have to do with the ghosts, though? Dedan doesn't seem to be the chief of the specters, even if he's a dick..."

"..." Unfortunately, The Batter chose not to answer him, effectively killing the conversation. It took a few minutes before the elevator reached the top.

The doors slid open, and it revealed a familiar cat on the rooftop. "Ah yes, the ectoplasmic executioners." It was The Judge, grinning at them with the wide, toothy smile of his. "What summoned you to the top of Shachihata's domain? Are you here to admire the gorgeous plastic with me?"

"No. We're looking for the post office." The Batter answered.

"Ah yes. As I recall, plastic deliveries have slowed down the moment this zone's guardian returned to his station; I believe that the specters are plaguing the place as well." The Judge explained. "I don't quite remember the exact floor the postal service is located on, but I do have helpful advice regarding this: an Elsen on the ground floor has been subconsciously mentioning the floor number as a stamp. Heed my advice well." With that, The Judge went back to looking over the edge of the building.

"Alright. Alpha, let's... go?" The Batter saw the Add-On dip over the rooftop; Alpha apparently found that flying down the side of the building was much faster than taking the elevator. "...Very well then." The Batter went into the elevator and started descending, alone. He whistled a tune called 'The Fourteen Residents' as he went downward. Finally, he reached his destination.

"Form 4829, stamp 2848-"

Alpha knocked the Elsen to the floor. "Tell me! Who's the blabbermouth that keeps repeating the same thing around here!"

The Elsen simply brushed himself off and continued without a beat. "Form 4829, stamp 28487..."

Alpha noticed The Batter emerging from the elevator. "This is hopeless."

The Batter turned his head. "What about him?"

He looked over to an Elsen, who, appearance-wise, didn't seem different from the others. But.. "Form 2749, stamp 10258. Form 2750, stamp 10258. Form 2751, stamp 10258..."

"Let's go."

As he walked back to the elevator, Alpha grumbled, "Of course, you find it immediately." But who was he to complain about getting work done faster? He joined The Batter as he finished typing in what floor they were going to. A minute or two of waiting later and they emerged.

The floor they were on wasn't an office; it was full of crates, which were filled with forms and parcels. Smells of plastic permeated from the packages. They were definitely in the post office. However, The Batter could immediately tell something was off. "...Nobody?" The postal service floor was silent. The two heroes cautiously strode through the room, looking over the crates for signs of life. As they neared the staircase to the next floor, someone finally showed up.

An Elsen walked down the stairs, but one could immediately tell there was something wrong with him: he was more frightful than the usual Elsen, and the pitch of his breathing was drastically higher. "...Someone... help me..."

"What's your problem?" Alpha asked.

"...I am very... afraid..." The Elsen let out one last gasp before his head exploded. A stream of condensed smoke and blood flowed out of him, as if he was a volcano. "_Heeelllpppp..._"

"Holy shit!" Alpha was genuinely afraid.

The Batter's showed no signs of a lowered resolve as he gave the former Elsen a Wide Angle. "That's a Burnt. When Elsens are highly stressed, they turn into this." He readied the new bat he purchased from Zacharie, almost eager to give it a test drive. "Purification in progress." He swung at the Burnt, who would have surely panicked and cried had he stayed an Elsen. The Burnt counter-attacked, punching The Batter in the face. He growled and readied up for another strike.

"...Do I really have to fight that...?" Alpha was a tad guilty; he would hurt an Elsen, yes, but kill one? He pondered this over for a bit before concluding that this would be a mercy kill, as the Burnt was in clear suffering. He rammed into the Burnt, knocking it over. Before it could get back up, The Batter stepped on his stomach, raised his bat over his head, and slammed it down.

As the Burnt began to fade away like all ghosts, an image of its previous Elsen head appeared in the smoke. "Maybe... the suit's taken control of his brain..." With that, the Elsen was gone, leaving behind some blood that had spurted out of it.

"Strange." The Batter commented.

"Well, when a guy's head fucking explodes and he turns into a specter, then yes, I suppose that is strange." Alpha snarked. He paused for a moment. "...Well, what are we waiting for? Let's hunt down Dedan; if he's screaming like usual, then we could find him easily."

Unfortunately, when they got to the next floor, they did not hear Dedan's usual frustrated yelling. Instead though, they ran into another Burnt. "He... hhhhgh... fired... all of us..."

The Batter tilted his head. "What?"

"We were... unattentive. He... hhrgh..." The Elsen made a high-pitched breathing noise. "He blamed us... for the... specters... we did not, haahhh, warn him. And now... _we join the specters..._" Just like the last one, the Elsen's head exploded as the smoke escaped his body, metamorphosing into a Burnt.

One short battle later and the Burnt was also down. The Batter noticed Alpha's silence. "Trust me. It's better this way."

"...If you say so..."

They continued on through the rows of boxes. Then, The Batter found something peculiar on one of the desks. "There's something weird written on this... 'First Edition: They are wrapped six feet under, wrapped in hot metal and liquid plastic.'"

"...This is a dumb puzzle, isn't it?" Alpha groaned.

"Probably." The Batter huffed. "Remember what these say, because I have the feeling that we'll find more of them." The two continued through the post office. Other than disgruntled postal service workers, they fought Tiburces, which were rat-like specters that had an attack that drained their competence, which isn't very good. They found more sheets of paper, which bared more weird messages. As The Batter and Alpha found more and more of these, The Batter realized that there was a secret code behind the messages; the numerical value mentioned in the messages make up the code, while the 'Edition' indicated which place the number went into. Alright, so this fanfic is a little walkthrough-ish, so what?

The two then found one normal Elsen, who held up a barricade that blocked a lift. Alpha looked at him appraisingly. "How come your head isn't exploding like all the other sad weirdos?"

"I... wasn't fired. I've been ordered to, uh... guard the secret lift." The Elsen paused. "...There... um, isn't a secret lift. You didn't... hear me say that."

"...Will you let us pass?" asked The Batter.

"No... unless you have... the secret, um, code?"

"The password is 681452." the baseball player clad crusader read off from his memory.

"That is... correct. ...H-how... w-wait..." The Elsen coughed up a thick bit of smoke. "You... I-I-I've been told about you! You.. must not..._ PASS!_" He made one last cough before his head exploded and he went Burnt.

"Not again..." Alpha muttered; at this point, the Add-On had fought so many Burnts that he felt more annoyed than guilty.

Since the Burnt was solo, it didn't take The Batter and Alpha very much effort to defeat him. As the Burnt laid dying, he muttered, "I'm.. heading to Alma... i-it will be nice..." The Burnt then faded away, along with the barricade. The two victors proceeded into the lift, which had only two available buttons (ground floor and Director's Office). The Batter slammed the 'Director's Office' button and the elevator started to rise up to an unknown point in the building.

"...miserable bastards! Piss off!" Those were the first words that The Batter and Alpha heard when they emerged; Dedan was clearly screaming at something. They hurried into the next room, which was a nice office with a desk and pools of plastic on the sides for decoration. Dedan himself was preoccupied with the mass of Half-Blind Specters and Tiburces that surrounded him. "This is my zone! You ain't got the right to be here!" He produced a glowing aura in his hands and threw his fist at the specters; half of the ghosts were defeated in a single blow. He turned his attention to the rest of the unfortunates. "Get outta my sight, phantoms of shit!" He eliminated the ghosts just as easily. "...Huff... My schedule's ruined, there are specters everywhere... how could this get any wors-" He turned and saw the baseball player and the Add-On. "You've gotta be kidding me! It has to be you, isn't it?_ It just has to be you!_"

"Excuse me?" The Batter said; he hasn't done anything to Dedan. Yet.

"You! You're the phantom lord that's brought all these damn specters here!" Dedan ranted. "It took me years to build up Zone 1 to be this prosperous, and I refuse to let you guys ruin it! _Fuck off!_"

"You are mistaken." The Batter said, with slight annoyance at being accused of being a specter. "I am a purifier. I'm here to fight the evil spirits."

"What? I wasn't talking to you, you sport-pajama wearing clown!" Dedan snapped, which prompted an angry growl from The Batter. He instead pointed at Alpha. "You! You're the source of all of my problems! Why must you be such a pain in the ass?"

"What." Alpha felt insulted. "I'm not one of those shithead ghosts!"

"How dare you speak back? How dare you copy my mannerisms? You asshole!"

"I'm the asshole? What about you, yelling at those pathetic but undeserving Elsens?"

"They deserve it for being yapping morons! Now shut up!"

"Do you want to start something with me?"

"Bring it on, you piece of-"

"Will you both shut up?" The Batter requested sternly.

"...Hmph. Your clown friend is right. Alright, look, I'm going to make this simple. Get outta my zone, and take your goddamn specters with you... or I'll kill you. Got that?" Dedan started to flash as halos of light surrounded him. "If I ever see you again... you're dead." The angry inspector teleported away, leaving the two alone in his office.

"...There is only one place to go now to get him." The Batter said with a small grin, as he marched back to the elevator.

"Where are we going?"

"We're heading to Alma. We're going to have a proper fight with the guardian of Zone 1." The Batter said as the doors opened.

* * *

_The story is now on **PAUSE**_

* * *

_**Author's Note:** I changed a few things that was in the original game (not counting Alpha's actions, of course):_

_* As Zacharie said, Dedan is obsessed with keeping a schedule. Seeing as he's the overseer of most of the game world's workforce, I thought it would be a neat idea._  
_* Zacharie's fourth wall awareness got an upgrade._  
_* I excluded the alternate path in the mines, which led to a horde of Half-Blind Specters and stat boosting items in the game. I did not write it in because it seemed irrelevant, and The Batter isn't someone to get sidetracked._  
_* The other accessible floor in the postal office is also removed for irrelevancy._  
_* The Elsens reason for going Burnt was originally fear in the game; it's been changed to stress from losing their jobs._

_Also, I bet you guys are wondering who the chief of the specters is. This question goes unanswered in the game and the whole thing seems to get dropped, but, as you can see, The Batter has a new goal of pursuing Dedan, so he either believes that Dedan is the chief of the specters, or Dedan is a much more important target. Well, who knows? Certainly not you guys, unless you play OFF. Seriously, play it, so that this story would make more sense to you non-players._


	4. The Purification of Dedan

_**Author Note:** (claws my way out of grave) Haha, hello again. Sorry for the wait (as said by a lot of fanfiction authors)._

* * *

_The story is now on **ON.**_

* * *

_**Chapter 3:** The Purification of Dedan_

* * *

The Batter and Alpha left the post office, running outside to the area's train station. The baseball player looked a bit eager to chase after Dedan, which the Add-On thought was out of character for him. However, he decided not to probe into it, as the Batter was not likely to answer him.

An Elsen, standing outside the station, announced, "The train to Alma is... hhh... available."

"That's rather convenient." the Batter nodded, secretly questioning the convenient timing. Before he could stroll into the giant metal cart, though, the Elsen held out his arm, denying entrance.

"W-wait... it's... dangerous in Alma... specters... the boss is hhh... angry..."

"...If that place is so dangerous, then why is the train there available?" Alpha questioned the pale man.

"...I..." the Elsen started to shake. "I..." instead of becoming a Burnt, like every other Elsen up until that point, he ran away screaming.

The Batter merely shrugged and got into the train, waiting for it to begin its journey.

* * *

Dedan stomped into the entrance room to Zone 1, which was crowded with Elsens - they were in complete a complete uproar.

"M-Master Dedan, there are specters... in the meat..."

"I am very afraid..."

"H-Help us!"

"Shut your traps!" Dedan snapped, instantly silencing the room. "Alright, listen up maggots. This place is going on lock down. Some bastard ghost king will be visiting any moment now." this distressed the Elsens even more, as they started to take even deeper breaths. Dedan, unaware of his employees plight, continued.

"One of you guard the entrance, and some of you guard the pedalos. I'll be dealing with the ectoplasmic pests inside. We're not letting this stupid ghost and his accomplice stomp all over us!" He went through the door leading into Alma's inner sanctum; he briefly popped his head back into the room to deliver one last message. "By the way, if I see him around here, you're all fucking fired."

If that isn't stressful, I don't know what is.

* * *

Minutes after Dedan made his announcement to his employees, our heroes reached Alma. They exited the train, passing under the giant sign that proudly stated the area's name while light rain (which is technically plastic, I suppose) dripped down.

The two ran into the entrance room to Alma. An Elsen, the appointed guard into Alma proper, looked at them as they entered. His eyes widened upon setting them on Alpha's ring body. "I... welcome to... Alma. Before you can enter, you must... hhhgh... answer some rigorous questions."

The Batter diverted his game from him to a set of calendar pages taped to the wall. The papers were intricately made, with detail that you never see in calendars - gratuitous French words dotted the pages as well. "...Do these questions relate to these calendar pages?"

"...Y-yes."

"And are you actually going to let us in if we answer you correctly?"

"...No." he admitted bashfully. "All of this is... formality. Alma is on lockdown and... hhhgh... p-please leave."

"Oh. In that case." without warning, the Batter swung his bat at the Elsen's gut. The poor fellow crumpled to the ground, coughing violently.

"_What the fuck are you doing!_" Alpha screamed, appalled at what the Batter just did; while the Elsen was plotting to inconvenience them with a calendar puzzle, it was not worth a whack to the gut.

"He was going to turn into a Burnt anyway." the Batter huffed. "Look."

Smoke started to stream out of the Elsen's mouth as his head darkened, as if he was burning to a crisp. "You... you bear me much ill-will!" The head promptly exploded as the Elsen went Burnt. The Burnt lunged at the Batter, but at this point, the baseball player was strong enough to defeat him with a second blow. The enemy, slumped against a wall and only wheezed once more before he disappeared.

"...What is wrong with you?" the Add-On questioned.

"It was necessary." the Batter responded with indifference, advancing through the door the Elsen guarded.

The first thing to hit the Batter was the smell of fresh meats. The smells radiated from pools warm meat, surrounded by green platforms and buildings. Beef and pork and chicken spun in their pools of sauce and marinade, ready to be harvested.

If you're a vegetarian, I'm sorry.

There was another Elsen, a guide of sorts, who walked up to greet them. He was clearly baffled by their appearance. "V-Visitors...? But we're on... hhh... welcome."

"...Are you going to offer the usual explanation?" the Batter asked.

"The what...?"

"The explanation for this." he gestured at the pools of meat.

"...Oh. Y-yes." the Elsen guided them down a green walkway, talking and pointing at the pools. "We are in the meat fountains of Alma, in the heart of Zone 1. Here, we workers seize the various meats that are spewed from the ground, deep within the earth. We collect the meat and send it off to the other zones, so that their inhabitants may eat and get precious nutrients and vitamins. As the first element, meat is the most essential.

"Because without meat, people would starve. They would fall dead one after the other."

The heroes did not bother to question the authenticity of meat being the 'most essential element'. Alpha floated over one of the pools before looking (?) at their guide. "That doesn't explain why the meat is in the fucking ground."

"...S-save your questions for the end of the tour."

"Of course. Let's just leave everything vague."

"Yes. That is how... we prefer things."

As they strolled along the meat, the Batter looked ahead and saw a towering green building, with the usual gate of impassable blocks in front of it. "What is that building?"

"T-that is the office of M-Master... hhh... Dedan,.. N-nobody has e-ever visited him in his office in... hhhhgh... recent memory... hhh..hold on..." the Elsen turned to look at them with a raised eyebrow. "Um... who are you two.. exactly?"

"I am the Batter and this is Alpha. We're here to liberate the world of malignancy."

"L-liberators...?" he fidgeted around. "Um... well, then.. can you liberate me?" Without warning, his head exploding, releasing the smoke within.

"Not again." Alpha said as he watched his transformation. From the sky, two Tiburces descended, having sensed the fight that was going to occur. The two purifiers charged into yet another battle while ragtime music played.

The trio of specters were soundly defeated, but the Elsen lingered around for a bit longer. The Elsen rasped, "Perhaps... it's better this way." Then, he disappeared, joining the two Tiburces.

The Batter and Alpha proceeded up the walkway when they saw the silhouette of a man - they approached cautiously. "Hahaha! The meat fountain of Alma is marvelous, isn't it?" Upon closer inspection, the man turned out to be Zacharie, the fourth-wall breaking shopkeeper from earlier, keeping his promise to return. "It's a shame that this is only a story. The more carnivorous of our readers would appreciate the sights and smells of this area."

"...How did you get in here." The Batter asked bluntly.

"Does it matter when I've got new gear for you? Come, forego all questions and upgrade your equipment!" The Batter shrugged and indulged him, getting new gear for him and Alpha, as well as a few Luck Tickets and meats.

After getting his new equipment, Alpha had attempted to fly over the barrier guarding Dedan's office. Somehow, despite floating directly above them, he got stuck - maybe the blocks are magic or something. "Hey, Mask Dork."

"Yes?"

"How are we supposed to bust into this place and kick the guy's ass?"

"Hmmm... I'm not allowed to say. I'm contracted to only give a single hint, and I'm saving that bit for later." Zacharie answered. "Try looking around. I'm sure there's some vague clue around this place."

"Right. Let's head on, Alpha." The Batter said. They left the salesman to his own devices and they took a pathway that wound around the building. They were met with an Elsen, who was standing in front of a button in the shape of a walking man. The Elsen did not seem to notice them, muttering to himself and sweating.

"We don't work hard enough we don't work hard enough..."

"Excuse me..."

"...We don't... _work... hhhhhg... hard... enough!_" Once again, the Elsen turned into a Burnt, and two Tiburces heralded his transformation by floating down from the sky.

"This is going to be repetitive." He sighed, sensing that they'll be fighting a lot more Burnts from here.

Blah blah blah, specters are defeated. "We don't work hard enough..." the Elsen repeated as he faded away.

"These guys really need to calm the hell down." Alpha grunted. "There should be a union. Or whatever the hell they call it."

...Actually, that's a good idea, Alpha.

"What?"

That does it then. You and the Batter are now the leaders of a union.

"What."

Come on. This is a rewrite, and a rather unflattering one at that. I can do whatever I want as long as it all fits in the overall plot and conventions.

"You can't do this." the Batter growled at I, the narrator.

Then, somebody walked in to come to my defense. "He's right." Zacharie intervened. "This is his story, and he has already mutated some concepts in this story."

Thank you Zacharie.

"You're welcome. Now, back to my unassuming role as a salesman." the masked man walked away, whistling.

"This is ridicu-" The Batter heard a 'ping' and he looked down at his tunic. A shining button that read 'THE BATTER - UNION FOUNDER' was on his tunic - a similar button was on Alpha's body. They both quickly tore off their buttons and decided to ignore my nonsense. "Right, let's press this button." He walked up to the button on the wall and firmly pressed it. A loud screeching noise roared through the air and something descended from the sky...

A pedalo, a swan looking boat, landed into a waterwe... er, meatway leading north. Alpha was appropriately confused. "What the hell." He looked at the Batter. "What is this."

"A pedalo."

"...This is a pedalo?"

"Yes. The Narrator did not change this - it looks exactly as it should be."

"...Who would make something so fucking stupid?"

"I'm not sure, but it's functional." The Batter stepped into the pedalo and crouched into it to get comfortable. "Riding inside?"

"I'd rather not." the Add-On preferred to keep his dignity.

"Very well then." The Batter moved his feet and located the pedals that rowed the pedalo. Riding it like a bike, the pedalo glided across the surface of the meat, which made oozing sounds as it traveled. Alpha floated closely behind, looking at the ridiculous vehicle moving around and glad that he wasn't in it...

Until something popped out of the meat. It was a long, alligator-like ghost that stretched from out of the meat. Alpha barely had time to react when it clenched its jaw around him. "_AAAARGH WHAT THE SHIIIIT!_"

The Batter watched the ghost chew on Alpha while casually using Wide Angle. "That is a Troquantary, an aquatic ghoul with a radiant smile." As he said that, the monster grinned, its teeth shining radiantly while it bit into Alpha as if he was an onion ring.

"_HELP ME DAMN YOU!_"

The Batter rose up from his seat and smacked the Troquantary in the jaw with his bat and fuck I don't want to spell out its name every time. We're calling 'Troquantaries' 'Trogdors' now, is that okay?

"It really isn't." the Batter said, annoyed by the stupid change.

Well too bad. It's a Trogdor now. Anyway, the whack was hard enough to break some of the Trogdor's teeth, allowing Alpha to squeeze through and escape its grasp. The Trogdor roared in anger, due to being hurt and having its name changed. It struck the Batter, almost making him lose balance on the pedalo. He and Alpha started to double team the Trogdor, hitting it repeatedly until it let out a dying gasp. The Trogdor sunk into the meat, dead - the meat is definitely not USDA approved. Or whatever the OFF equivalent of it is.

"...Calling those things Trogdors are actually easier than pronouncing its full name." Alpha commented.

Thank you.

"Can we please just put this behind us?" the Batter said.

Fine. The Batter continued to sail down the stream of meat (Alpha wisely chose to float next to him from now on). As they went along, they noticed pairs of numbers painted on the wall - a number indicating a sequence starting from 1 and a number that's presumably the number inputted in the sequence. Of course, I could just tell you the numbers, but no. That's silly. Go play the game yourself to find these elusive numbers - also to find the accuracy that this story clearly so lacks.

After fighting a pair of Trogdors, the Batter parked the pedalo at the end of the stream, northwest of Dedan's office. There was an Elsen blocking a switch that summoned another pedalo, but it seemed like a pointless gesture; the guy was also rambling about wanting to work in peace and never being sick to himself, so the heroes decided it'd be best to ignore him, so they continued on. Behind the building was a set of ten blocks arranged like a keypad floating above an isolated pool of meat - quite obviously, this was where the numbers from earlier are to be inputted. Unfortunately, the Batter had to get a new pedalo to get in the pool, and the button was, once again, guarded by an Elsen.

"I don't want to be Burnt." the Elsen murmured. Both parties waited for a fight to begin... but the Elsen did not go Burnt, nor did any Tiburces fly in to fight for kicks. Instead, the Elsen was looking at the Batter quizzically. "Are you... from the union...?"

"...What...?" The Batter looked down at his tunic to see that the name tag was back, drawing a sigh from him.

"It... it's good to see you. I.. suppose." the Elsen rasped, looking somewhat happier. "Having to defend this place from hhhh... i-intruders was not in my, uh, job description."

Instead of being annoyed by the situation like his handler, Alpha decided to take advantage of this situation. "We understand. Look, we'll talk to your asshole boss. You just move away from this switch, got it?"

The Elsen paused before nodding. "Y-yes. Thank you!" He stepped to the side gratefully. "If you don't mind... can you get us sick days? I mean, well, none of us have ever been, well, sick... but... the notion would be nice..."

"Sure." the Batter answered insincerely while he slammed the button, summoning a pedalo into the pool.

"O-oh golly! I think I'll, um, tell the others about this! ...Assuming that they haven't, hhhh, expired!" and so the Elsen went off to talk to the remaining Elsens, preventing me from having to write anymore Burnt battles for the time being.

The Batter prodded four blocks in turn - they started to bob in the air quicker, confirming that he was pressing them correctly. He looked at Alpha with a commanding gaze. "Alpha, fly around and look for more numbers."

The Add-On shook in disagreement. "No way. There's no way in hell I'm going through those damn smiling specters."

"Then float. Really fast."

"Look, there's no way I'm going to-"

That's when he caught a proper glimpse at the eyes hidden by the Batter's cap.

"OKAY I'M GOING, FUCK YOU!" Alpha tried to sound exasperated to hide his fear as he flew away - the guy had one hell of a glare. While he flew over the rivers of meat (infested with Trogdors, of course), he pondered about the Batter. The guy is clearly serious about purifying the world and fighting the specters - too serious. The Add-On chose to shrug it off, however. As long as the guy's doing good and, well, his owner, the means justified the ends. So, he went back to memorizing numbers. And screaming at the ghosts snapping at him from below.

* * *

"How did it go?" The Batter asked Alpha, the Add-On now sporting multiple bite marks, when he came back.

"_Fix. **This.**_" he growled in pain. The baseball player nodded and broke out Saving First Base and a few Luck Tickets to get Alpha fully healed up. No longer looking like a chewed up onion ring, Alpha poked at the blocks, continuing from where The Batter left off. Upon hitting the last block, all of them turned transparent, floating rapidly - presumably, they got it right.

The Batter and Alpha started their way back to the entrance of Alma; there was no one to hinder them, except for the ghosts lingering the red rivers. Upon reaching the entrance, they noticed that there was no longer a barrier to Dedan's office - there was also a group of Elsens huddled together near the front, with Zacharie watching them intently. "What seems to be going on?" the Batter asked him.

"They're discussing forming a group." Zacharie answered. "Of course, this did not exist in the original form in this tale - I'm curious to see where this is going."

"Ah." he had a sneaking suspicion that this had something to do with the whole union thing.

But enough about my bullshit, he had a holy job to do. The Batter walked toward the towering building, but before he could set a proper foot through the door, a cat, The Judge, emerged from inside. "You again?" a surprised Alpha said. "How in the holy fuck do you and that Masked Dork over there get to places before us?"

"Well..." the Judge playfully licked his paw. "As my trading comrade sometimes rambles, dear foul-mouthed Add-On, he claims that our presence is 'scripted', whatever that may mean and entail."

The Batter looked down at the talking cat and at the ominous entrance. "Have you seen Dedan in there?"

"The Guardian of this Zone? Why, I believe he's pacing in the innermost part of his office - he's trying to fit the recent specter infestations and production troubles in his schedule, and he has a hard time trying to figure it out for himself. Behind his provocative and deformed exterior is a rather calculating personality - of course, this is a bit too much for him to deal with at the moment.

"Are you heading inside yourself?" the man standing above him nodded. "Ah. Well, Dedan is trying to relax himself - rather futilely I might add - with music. His building is a maze of a sort, and it will send you back to whence you came if you pursue a wrong turn - follow the tune, and I'm confident that you'll find him."

"Thank you."

"No, I must thank you. I've scratched at that barrier for awhile, yearning for escape."

The Batter and Alpha just stared at him - it was hard to imagine the sophisticated talker acting like a normal cat. Then, Alpha asked, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Ah. Well, it's nothing for you to be concerned with - at the moment. I'm simply searching for somebody, that's all."

"Any luck with that?" Zacharie suddenly spoke out, making the others' heads turn.

"I'm afraid not." the cat shook his head at his apparent friend.

"Hmm. I haven't seen the person you seek either. Zone 2 might be your best bet."

"Thank you, Zacharie." The feline trotted away, passing by the Elsens, who were in the middle of a heated discussion.

"...I'm sure that... hhhh... their negotiations with Master D-Dedan will be successful..."

"Should we... trust them though? They did sort of, um, kill some of us..."

"To be killed in that ghastly form is... hhhh... a blessing. Now then... should we, um, make badges?"

Truly, what an important conversation. Unfortunately, the Batter did not find it as important and proceeded on into the building.

The innards of the building was a fine majestic purple, with red meat oozing into small ponds at the corners of each room. Each room was perfectly identical - which is of course a problem for those trying to make their way through. The Batter and Alpha spent the first minute wandering aimlessly through the rooms, only to get stuck within a loop, bringing them back to the first room and adding to the pool of utter frustration.

Alpha laid on the ground, exhausted with all the running around. "Augh... what kind of a maniac builds a place like this?"

"A screaming one..." The Batter huffed, taking a break to regather himself. While they stood there, they heard nothing... except for a faint melody coming down from one of the passageways. An imaginary lightbulb lit itself above the Batter's head. "Do you hear that?"

"The sound of my anger?

"No... it's music." With that, the Batter immediately started running, like a proper baseball player would after hitting a ball. Alpha tailed behind him, and indeed, he started to hear the music too. The architecture showed no sign of them getting closer, but the music got louder as they went through the right doors.

However, something jumped out through one of the doors (one that leads you back to the entrance, I might add), intending to impede their progress - a small, horse-like specter was blocking the away, along with a Tiburce flunky. "The ghosts are in here too?" Alpha said in surprise.

"Corruption runs rather deep." The Batter stated before going into Wide Angle mode. "The new phantom is an Arpagon, a four-legged ghoul with a liable breath."

The Arpagon hissed angrily and lunged at Alpha, taking a bite out of him. "Get away from me!" In response, the Add-On punched the ghoul back. After the conflict-loving Tiburce attacked, The Batter struck the Arpagon with a Competence, finishing it off. The crusaders easily dealt with the Tiburce before proceeding onward.

Luckily, they didn't run into any more trouble by the time they reached the exit. There was a larger pool of meat surrounding the ground, with a set of stairs leading up to a giant door. The Batter made a practice swing with his bat and grinned. "Today you'll be purified, Guardian of Zone 1."

* * *

Dedan shuffled in his office restlessly. The music he played did not help his worries, nor did the steady flow of the meat waterfalls behind him. A calendar laid on his desk, with lots of dates and activites scribbled all over it. Dedan growled to himself, frustration setting in. "Euuurgh... this is too much..." Finally, he roared. He picked up the calendar and began tearing at it, letting the scraps fly around. "_STUPID FOWL-ASSED SPIRITS!_"

He huffed, his breaths expanding his iron hard skin. He stared ahead to look into his sanctum - now being besieged by ghosts- which would take him a day to clean out. Then there was the post office and the mines and...

Then the Guardian noticed the two people standing in his office: the baseball-clothed weirdo and the circular ghost lord. Obviously, he responded by flipping his shit. "YOU TWO!" He slammed his hands into his desk, leaving two distinctive cracks in them. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TWO HERE? WHAT PART OF 'I'M GOING TO KILL YOU' DO YOU NOT GET? ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY? _ARE YOU GUYS COMPLETELY RETARDED?_"

"I assure you, we are not mentally handicapped." The Batter said.

"SHUT UP!" He shifted his gaze at Alpha. "TAKE YOUR SHIT PHANTOMS AND GET OUT! THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!"

"It's not my fault these damn ghosts are running around!" Alpha snapped. "Does it look like I enjoy putting angry chucklefuck alligator ghosts in our food source? What kind of a dumbass would do that!"

"I don't know,_ you tell me!_"

"What part of 'this is not my fault' do you not understand?"

"Then what are you two annoying asses doing here anyway?" He looked at the Batter's tunic and frowned. "The union?"

The questioned man groaned and ripped the respawned nametag off of himself. "No, we are not fro-"

"Look, I may be verbally abusive, but it's necessary." the coat-wearing Guardian grumbled. "There's a whole grand world out there, and this Zone makes half the shit everybody needs! I need everybody working, and we can't slack off! So what if a few guys turn into phantom turncoats? It's the way it's got to be, got it!" For whatever reason, Dedan's tone was melancholic for the last two sentences. "This Zone ain't nothing without me! I am its enforcer, its Guardian, its inspector!"

The Batter did not appear to care. "Fascinating, but this 'union' is merely a silly invention impeding my real goal."

"What might that be, clown man?"

"Eliminating you."

The room was silenced with this comment. Dedan's eyes shifted from the bat clenched in the hostile's hand to the aggressive Add-On. The Batter grinned. And then Dedan grinned. And he laughed - he actually wiped tears from his hollow eyes. "You two are complete dipshits... to think that you can take me on...

"In honor of the almighty Queen, I will rip that insufferable smile off of your face!"

His fist glowed, prompting a shout from Alpha. "Get out of the way!" He flew to the side and the Batter ducked in time; Dedan punched his desk, sending it across the room and sailing above The Batter's head.

Dedan stomped toward them with his coat unbuttoned, a bony grimace on his face, and his fists glowing with a strange aura. "BRING IT ON, MAGGOTS!" He ran at The Batter and punched him as he got up, sending the baseball player several feet away.

Instead of reaching for his bat, the Batter did a quick scan with, you guessed it, Wide Angle. "Dedan, the Guardian of Zone 1..." he read off with the information the Competence granted him.

"Nice observation!" Alpha snarked as he Chain'd into Dedan, making the Guardian whirl around and chase after him.

"...has two special attacks that inflict raging dementia and brings people to sleep." The bat-wielder was grateful that he picked up some Belial's Meat from Zacharie. With Dedan distracted, the man took up his bat and whacked him on the head; a normally lethal blow only left a bruise on Dedan's head.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Dedan spun, his hand glowing with a different color. "Hour Hand!"

He slapped the Batter across the face, making him fall to the ground. He did not get up - he had fallen asleep. "Hey, now's not the time to be resting!" Alpha screeched, prodding the resting man. "What about your missi-"

He was suddenly hit over the head with a music player, ending the music that they heard while they were seeking out Dedan - Dedan himself was standing over the Add-On with the broken remnants of the player. "That's for trying to ruin my Zone!"

The Add-On lashed out with Saturated Chain, knocking the guy back. "_I'M NOT A DAMN GHOST!_" He quickly turned his attention to his napping ally. "Get up! What did you use again..." He floated above the man and searched through his pockets like a thief, searching for something. "Here we go." He then unceremoniously slapped a piece of Belial's Meat onto the Batter's face.

The bat-wielder's eyes snapped awake, the juices from the meat seeping into his skin and awakening him. Still feeling a bit drowsy, he sat up and absent-mindedly chewed on the raw-looking slab. After he swallowed it, he said, "Thanks. I'd appreciate it if you didn't put it on my face, though."

"Yeah, whatever." The Add-On flew to the side, avoiding a swing from Dedan. The Batter quickly took a swing of his own, hitting the Guardian in the face, denting Dedan's giant teeth.

"GAAAAH! YOU ARROGANT FUCKS! I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BORN!" He rapidly swung his fists, muttering 'Minute Hand' and 'Sweep Hand' under his breath as he struck the Batter and Alpha repeatedly, bringing down their health. Noticing their poor condition, the Batter pulled out some Luck Tickets from his pocket and stuck it on himself and Alpha, letting the magic power inside of them heal them. Unfortunately, Dedan did not have any healing item on him - he certainly did not expect to meet with his quarrelsome equals, after all.

"Concede, Dedan!" The Batter yelled, smashing his weapon into Dedan's chest - the Guardian felt something crack as he stepped back.

"You... you..." then, he let out a rapid storm of curses - the swear words incomprehensible in his sheer rage. Then, believe it or not (you better believe it, with the weird stuff in this story), his language started to take a physical form, a speech bubble with a foreign character within in it growing out of his giant jaw.

Alpha started to shake uncontrollably as the bubble emerged. He heard something from it. Something annoying. He heard mocking laughter and language in his head, the speech balloon invading his thoughts. "You... stop.. LAUGHING!" The Add-On shouted and rammed into the bubble, not even bothering to use a Competence. The balloon was immediately felled.

However, the Batter noticed that something was definitely wrong; his comrade was not in control of his actions. The floating circle just screamed with fury, ramming into Dedan repeatedly, not thinking to use his stronger Competence moves. Realizing that the bubble infected him with fury, the Batter dug another piece of Belial's Meat out of his uniform and threw it toward Alpha; it went through the middle of his body, glowed, and disappeared, as if Alpha's body vaporized it.

The Add-On stopped shaking. "What..." he seemed unaware of his period of rage. However, he set his sights upon Dedan and quickly remembered what he was doing. "Oy, I'm not done with you, you damn bare-chested buffoon!"

Dedan was knocked down by a Saturated Chain. He got up and rose his fists, able to continue fighting, but was weakening. He felt aches within his bones, a feeling he hadn't felt in years. He wiped his forehead to get rid of the sweat, and he was shocked to see that it was blood. He never bleeds. Roaring, Dedan lashed out with another Hour Hand, this time lulling Alpha to sleep. However, the Batter simply grabbed another piece of meat and cured him. Dedan's human-like enemy pulled out a cooked slab of Silver Flesh and ate it; The Batter looked relaxed as the special meat restored his Competence. He threw another piece for Alpha to devour before they both continued their assault. More and more blows kept coming at Dedan, injuring bones, sometimes snapping them, causing him to bleed, bruising his already deformed skin, it was too much for the Guardian to take. As for them, they just kept recovering, from their injuries and the rage and drowsiness he afflicted on them.

He threw a punch at the Batter. This time, the pure white-clothed man simply stood there and took the punch to the face. The Batter spit out a glob of saliva and blood, but otherwise, he was unfettered. Dedan stepped away from him, a bit frightened. The Batter ran toward him, bat poised. The hero Ran with Courage and struck Dedan on the top of the head. Something flashed in the Guardian's eyes and his vision blurred as a literal head-splitting pain overtook him. Dedan fell on the floor, and he found himself unable to stand back up. The Batter and Alpha just stood over him, watching him bleed - it was clear that they thought he was done for. Dedan just crawled over to the remnants of his desk, the meat waterfalls dripping in front of him. He turned over in his blood-stained coat, to look at his conqueror, and for a moment, he thought he saw something else within the holy man. "What are... what... have you..."

"You have been defeated, Dedan, Guardian of Zone 1." The Batter said satisfied, putting his bat away, the job completed.

"You..." Dedan tried to reach out toward The Batter with his hand, but, he suddenly faltered. His arm lowered to the floor as Dedan wheezed in pain, feeling death approaching.

"This land is now pure."

And then everything went to white.

* * *

_The story is now on** PAUSE**_

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Ah, this is finally finished. This chapter was written over the span of five days, full of suffering and me being forced to read the Great Gatsby and answer questions on it. I don't care that it's classic literature, it bores me._

**_Changes from the original game:_**

_* Trogdors and the union. That is all._

_* The Judge leaving Dedan's office and foreshadowing future events._

_* Less Burnt fights because I'm tired of writing those._

_* Skipping the puzzle into Alma. Also skimming through the puzzle to get into Dedan's office. I'm sorry if you wanted to see the characters' puzzle-induced frustration in their full glory._

_* Flesh Maze Tango has manifested in the real world. Hallelujah._

_* It'd be boring for Alpha, The Batter, and Dedan to stand in place while fighting, so I made it more dynamic. Originally, I was going to have them chase each other through the maze, but I wanted Dedan to die in his office, like in the game. Plus. I'm not that good at writing fight scenes, so that's where I draw the line._

_Clearly, I've failed at my goal of writing one chapter a week. My new goal is to write at least one chapter a month, from now on. Even though the last update was two months ago, so I already failed at even that. OH WELL I'LL TRY._

_What hi-jinks will the Batter and Alpha get into Zone 2? Who is the Judge looking for? Is the union a one-off gag? Who is the health inspector for Alma, because clearly, the meat is full of ghosts, and that's just ridiculous. You probably know the answers to most of these questions if you played the game, but still, check out the next chapter when it arrives! Thank you for reading, and I promise that the story won't go un-updated for months again!_


	5. The Uninformative Library

_**Author's Note:** Oh my, this story's been getting a lot more attention ever since the OFF category is made - hello, OFF fandom! Today, we'll be heading to Zone 2, and we'll meet with a character who's personality is different from their canon depiction. Huzzah._

* * *

_The story is now on **ON**._

A figure stood alone inside Zone 1. "...Dedan is... gone? This isn't good. Not good at all. I need to report this to the Queen immediately!"

* * *

_**Chapter 4:** The Uninformative Library_

* * *

With a flash of light, the Batter and Alpha appeared in the nothingness, the whispers heralding their arrival. Alpha, being new to all of this, was understandably worried. "What's that noise? Who the hell is there?"

"Never mind the noise." the Batter assured him. He pulled something out of his pocket, a glowing trinket, holding it up to examine it. "The Cancer Card... this will let us access Zone 2." Then, like an impatient child, he was heading to the spot that would whisk them away to the next Zone.

"Hold on, we're leaving already?"

"Yes. Purification does not wait."

"Do you ever take breaks, man?"

"No." he answered plainly. He stood upon the spot that would bring him to Zone 2. "Now, come along."

With that, the two disappeared in beams of light.

* * *

"Hmmm... she's right. The specters in my zone are a bigger concern right now. I need to ensure the safety of my citizens..."

* * *

The heroes landed on a pink walkway, leading up to the Zone proper. The Batter looked at the sight before him and while he wasn't the type to get impressed, he thought that the environment was better than that of the previous Zone.

In front of them was a giant city, a mass of pink buildings, radiating a feeling of warmth and security. The buildings all surrounded a larger building, which, as if made of blocks, stacked up to the sky, a Tower of Babel.

The aura of safety seemed to affect even Alpha. "Huh.. this looks like a walk in the park."

Unfortunately, the Batter is too much of a stoic dick to be affected by such good will. "Don't get overconfident. We still need to locate the guardian of this Zone."

"Hm? You're hunting another guardian?" Alpha questioned. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"In order to purify the land, I need to defeat all of its guardians."

Alpha still couldn't wrap his head around that logic; aren't the Guardians technically protectors of the Zones? Well, regardless, he's still forced to go along with whatever the Batter is planning. "Right... I think this Zone's guardian is in that tower."

"What makes you say that?"

"Since when is a giant fucking tower not suspicious?" the Add-On pointed out. "Come on, don't be an idiot."

"...I suppose it's worth checking out first."

Despite the large scale of the city, it was unusually quiet, and the Batter and Alpha experienced no trouble finding the tower. To their surprise, the tower was a gigantic library.

"...That's the place you get books from, right?" Alpha asked - apparently, there weren't any libraries in Zone 1.

"I suppose so." the Batter huffed as he entered.

The place indeed checked out books - of course, our heroes were not here to check out books, they were here to check out ghosts... out of life.

"That is the most goddamn terrible joke I've ever heard." Alpha said.

I know. There were a few Elsens milling around in the lobby of the calming blue lobby. One of them was talking to another Elsen behind a desk. "...Yes. You shouldn't lend any more books to that man. He tears out the pages. It's almost dangerous."

"Yes. I... understand. Do not let this trouble you." the other Elsen, a librarian, answered. "I am sorry for... this inconvenience."

"Yes. Thank you. I'll be returning to the upper floor." the troubled Elsen curtly walked away and ascended a staircase.

The Batter walked up to the desk. "Excuse me..."

"Hello. Welcome to the library in Bismark, in the center of Zone 2." the Elsen greeted, launching into an explanation that didn't exist in the game, since I'm a scumbag. "It is here where we store books around the world. Here, we lend these precious tomes to the public, so that they may pursue knowledge - or, perhaps for simple entertainment. These words educate. These words relax. As one of the three comforts, books are the most important.

"Without books, the world will be uneducated of true dangers. They will be engulfed by untruths and paranoia until only worry is left."

"...I thought we were done with these stupid explanations." Alpha murmured to the Batter.

"There's always time for... explanations." the librarian answered. "Now, are you here to pursue answers or would, um, the plastic, less dangerous books be sufficient?"

"We've come for answers." the Batter said. "What is in this library?"

"Um... we have various books on different subjects. Of course, we also have plastic books. Some, um, readers complained that the normal books were... well, dangerous."

"Beside the books." the man said, sighing.

"...Um... we have shelves..."

The Batter glared at him.

"Oh... well, the upper floors are suffering a particularly nasty phantom infestation. I... I've placed barricades to keep them at bay."

"The specters? I'll eliminate them for you."

"I... um... really? You know, you could, uh, get hurt. There isn't even a substantial reward to be found up there. Just books... walls... er, those shelves... and an old cat."

This further piqued our hero's interest. "Cat?"

"Yes. One that used quite sophisticated vocabulary. Truly, he is an educated being." he paused. "For a cat... at any rate."

If the Judge was in this place, surely, the area was significant. "I'll purify the upper floors for you."

"That's... um... good. But, um... the fourth floor and onward is inaccessible. I'll open the way for you if... um, you do this library a civil service. A very unkind man, er... ripped out the pages... from some of the books on the 3rd floor. Would you be so kind as to put them back together?"

"Do we have time for this?" Alpha asked the Batter.

Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be a way around this. 'Very well then." The Elsen behind the counter gave him a nod. The Batter left to go up the stairs, closely followed by Alpha. The second floor of the library had bookcases lining up its walls, filled to the brim with blue covered books. Alpha noticed a nearby Elsen reading one of the aforementioned plastic books.

"I really like these plastic books... you're not in danger of damaging them..."

The Add-On looked over the pale man's shoulder. "...That book doesn't even have any words. ...Or pictures..."

"Yes. It's safe." the Elsen rasped. "Information can be, uh, dangerous..."

Surely, if Alpha had a face, he would be making a weird expression.

The Batter took a quick glance around. Even though the bookcases contained real and plastic books, the Elsens were all intent on reading the plastic ones. Not that the baseball player garbed hero cared, at any rate. As he made his way to the staircase to the next floor, a book managed to catch his attention. The Batter, mystified, entranced, walked up to the bookcase that held the precious book on its mantle. He read off the spine,"How to become super combat master of the universe in 5 lessons?" He spent a few seconds to consider reading it before shaking his head. "No, I don't have time for this."

Alpha watched the Batter mutter to himself as he ascended. "...God, you all sicken me..."

The third floor seemed devoid of life - however, faint, ghastly giggling proved otherwise. The specters on the floor was nowhere in sight, though, so our heroes chose to ignore them for now. On one wall, the Batter spotted a piece of paper stuck to it - one of the ripped out pages. He was not sure what kind of asshole rips out book pages and sticks them on walls, but it was hardly relevant.

The Batter tore it off the wall and looked at it. The book page looked like a giant, pink three of clubs card that looked rather worn out. In fact, it was so worn out that it was hardly legible. "Hmm, where would this go..."

Alpha was looking at the nearby bookcases and found a book that wasn't made of plastic. The Add-On flipped through the book (somehow) and found a place in the book where a page was torn out. "It looks like it goes here, but the page next to it is an ace of spades. ...I can see why someone would rip out the pages, nobody can read this trash."

"This book here has diamonds..." the Batter said, across the aisle of the room, looking at a similar book.

At another bookcase, Alpha shouted, "Fucking seven of hearts!"

"You shouldn't shout in a library." the Batter sternly reminded.

"Who cares? Like there's anyone up here to tell us off!"

"We're here." a quiet voice murmured. Then, a specter floated down through the ceiling. The specter was floating upside-down and was giving the Add-On a lopsided, judgemental look. "No shouting in the library, heh heh." Then, two more Upside-Down ghosts floated down to, also giving Alpha annoyed looks.

"Great! It's the peanut galle-"

"Heavy Silence." one of the ghouls chanted.

A sharp pain went through Alpha's circular body. He tried to go back to shouting insults, but the Add-On discovered that he could not yell at them. Enraged, he tried to use one of his Chain attacks to fly into them, but for some reason, he found himself incapable of doing so.

"Haha. We may be specters, but please uphold common library courtes-" the specter was quickly defeated with a swift swing of the bat.

The Batter faced down the two specters, ignoring Alpha's mute antics (which involved slamming into walls and floors like a child going through a tantrum). "Purification in progress." he said - very quietly, I might add. He unleashed a Furious Homerun Competence on another ghoul as Pepper Steak played in the background (very very softly).Eventually, Alpha realized that having a fit was stupid and chose to redirect his fury at the Upside-Down Specters, finishing one off. A short moment later and the last remaining ghost was defeated.

The Batter fished through his pockets and pulled out a slab of Bellial's Meat, hoping that it comes through again. He tossed the hunk of flesh straight through the hoop that was Alpha. Goal! Or, touchdown! Look, the Batter and I know jack shit about basketball, okay? After a few seconds of awkward silence, Alpha shook and said, "It's called a 'hoop', dumbass."

With that, everything was back to its usual status quo. With that problem out of the way, the Batter went back to their daunting task. Fortunately, progress was finally made when he found the right book. He slipped the page in its rightful place and slid it back on its shelf. "Do you see any other pages?"

"I think I saw one over here..."

The two went about gathering torn pages and searching for their respective book. While they did so, two more groups of Upside-Down Specters appeared, apparently summoned by the sound of the Batter's noisy footsteps - it quickly became apparent that the blockade that halted progress to the next floor was doing absolutely nothing to stop the specters Luckily, they weren't much trouble. After several minutes, most of the books were reunited with their missing pages - most of them, anyway.

"This book is still missing a page." the Batter said; there were no other ripped out pages present on the floor, however.

"Maybe the librarian won't notice?" Alpha suggested.

They started their trek back downstairs to the lobby. They walked up to the librarian but before they even said anything, the Elsen said, "Not all of the books are repaired yet..."

"We know." the Batter said with a sigh. "One of the book pages seem to be missing."

"Um... well... then... the perpetrator must have it. He... hhhh... I've heard that he's in the western part of Bismark. ...I was too scared to... hhh... go after him, though." the Elsen rasped. "...A person like him truly is... a hardened criminal."

"...I'll see to it then." the Batter said with a slow nod. He and Alpha exited the library and circled around to its west side. They proceeded to head down the path that led away from the library.

On the western side of the Zone, they could see something they didn't initially see when they entered the Zone. A kilometer or two away from the land, divided by a plastic sea, was something that resembled an amusement park. There were several structures on the small metal island, the most notable one a towering skeleton of a rollercoaster. There didn't seem to be any clear way across the plastic, however. There was a platform several yards away from the mainland that had a staircase leading down into the earth, but that too was unreachable.

An Elsen was transfixed by the sight, standing at the edge of the metal landmass, breathing heavily. The Batter cautiously walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me. Do you happen to be the one that's been ripping out pages in the library."

The Elsen turned around, looking a bit shaky. He made a nervous smile as he pulled out a crumpled paper from his pocket. "Yes. It.. it is my secret to happiness. To a true feeling of safety. J-just holding this page makes me feel secured and enlightened."

"...Give that page to me, now." the Batter said with an aggressively outstretched hand.

"I... no... you're not taking this from me..." the Elsen murmured, a bit of smoke pouring out of his mouth. "It... it makes me feel safe... I... you... you will not be taking this!"

Then, his head exploded - this time, more like an actual explosion. The Batter and Alpha moved away from the Elsen. A cloud of smoke covered where the Elsen's head should be, and despite the lack of a head, he screamed. He shook violently as his hands started to darken, being burned to a crisp. The smoke started to condense into a solid stream. As the smoke condensed, it revealed that there was a thin circle floating above the Elsen's body, like a halo. The stream of smoke coiled its way through the circle, heading into the sky.

The creature that used to be an Elsen roared.

Alpha was unnerved by this new Elsen transformation. "What the hell is that thing?"

The Batter, staring down the creature, used another Wide Angle. "That is a Valzong-Burnt. More stronger than a normal Burnt and is capable of silencing us."

He swung his bat at the new Burnt's stomach, but the Valzong-Burnt seemed unfazed. The enemy countered by swinging his arm, his hand scratching the Batter across the face. Alpha launched a Competence attack, Awaited Embrace, at the Valzong-Burnt. The enemy reeled back from the attack, his bleeding wound suddenly turning darker; the Valzong-Burnt cringed as if in pain, despite nobody making a further attack.

While the Valzong-Burnt was dealing with the poisonous blow, the Batter was running toward him. Before he could do anything, the Batter hit him with a Furious Homerun. The Valzong-Burnt screeched, the piece of paper scattering to the wind as he fell backward - into the plastic.

The Batter indifferently placed a Luck Ticket where he was scratched while the Valzong-Burnt screamed as he sunk into the molten plastic. The smoke that came out of its head soon dispersed and the screaming silenced. Alpha floated over the plastic, shocked. "That... that was pretty gruesome. Even for you. You asshole."

The Batter ignored him, picking up the fallen page, grateful that it hadn't fallen in with the Burnt. "Let's go back to the library."

Alpha begrudgingly followed the Batter back to the library. Upon getting there, they saw an Elsen running in circles in the lobby. "Aaaaaah t-there was a Burnt outside! How terrifying!"

Luckily, it didn't seem that the librarian wasn't losing his shit. "Ah. You.. have the page?" he made a pleased expression upon seeing the paper in the Batter's hand. "Wonderful. Hopefully the... hhhhh... thief will be rightfully punished for this."

"If you can call drowning a rightful punishment." Alpha muttered.

"Okay. Um, put this page back in the last book and I'll lower the barricades. Yes... the fourth floor can only be accessed by, well, you two... yes, only you two..." the Elsen said.

The Batter and Alpha started scaling the stairs again. While passing through the second floor, they saw that every Elsen there was panicking as much as the one downstairs. They ran in circles, ignoring the Batter and Alpha as they passed, screaming - as quietly as possible. The purifiers went up to the third floor and the Batter looked for the book that still needed a page. Upon slipping the paper inside, they heard a whirring noise as the block barricades retracted into the ground.

As they started going up the opened passage that led upstairs, the Batter said, "Our first priority is to find the Judge. Perhaps he has some information on this Zone's guardian."

Alpha floated behind him. "Yeah... maybe this will be a walk in the park, and we won't have to deal with shitty puzzles."

They got onto the next floor, which was a small floor filled with fake bookshelves and crates. Then, at the same time, somebody started strutting downstairs from the upper floor - a cat. However, the cat didn't look like the one the heroes were accustomed to; this cat had wide eyes and lacked the smile the Judge had, his open mouth showing that all of his teeth were at the front.

The cat noticed them and confronted them, looking confused. "Who... who are you?"

The Batter was just as befuddled. "You're not the Judge."

"The Judge? ..I'm sorry, I don't know who you're referring to." he seemed apologetic. "I am Japhet, the creator of this city. Who might you two be? I've never seen you two in this Zone before, and it's nice to have visitors."

"I am the Batter, and this is my Add-On, Alpha."

"Ah! You have an Add-On? How extraordinary! This further proves that you're a man of great virtues. What business do you have in this Zone, visitor?" Japhet said.

"I'm here to purify the specters."

"Purify the specters? Oh, are you here to help me? I've been trying to clear out the recent specter infestations, and I can't just be everywhere at once - your help will be appreciated!" Japhet said cheerfully. "Have you been sent by the Queen to help me restore order to this Zone?"

The Batter paused before saying, "Not exactly."

"Hmm? Then how did you come here? Are you an acquaintance of Zacharie, perhaps?"

"Nah, but that weirdo pretends that he's our friend." Alpha answered.

"Then... how did..." the city's creator stopped to think for a bit before saying. "Do you have... the Cancer Card?"

"Yes." the Batter said.

"Then, you must have..." the cat looked horrified before letting out a hiss; Japhet looked ready to pounced. "You... you were the one that killed Dedan, aren't you?"

"Yes." the Batter repeated, bluntly.

"You... you haven't the slightest regard for what you've done! You... you murderer! You heathen! You criminal scum! You sport pajama wearing monster!"

Alpha snickered at the last comment, prompting a glare from the Batter. The man stared down at Japhet, not caring about the latter's accusations. "You said that you were the creator of this city - does that mean you're the guardian of this Zone?"

"Yes, I am - do you intend to cut me down as well?" Japhet shouted. "Well, I won't be letting you! I am the Queen's servant, the champion of the people, the agent of justice! I will deal swift justice to you before I continue with my task! Taste my righteous vengeance!"

Japhet pounced, a lion going after its prey. The Batter swung his bat at the mid-air feline, knocking him back - Japhet simply shrugged the attack off and hissed. The baseball bat wielder quickly took the chance to do a Wide Angle. "Japhet, guardian of Zone 2..." he paused. "How odd, there's no other information on him..."

"As if I would be read by enemies like an open book!" Japhet spat out. "Alto!" He opened his mouth and a diamond shaped ray of light came out. The diamond expanded into a multitude of diamonds and rammed into the Batter, knocking him not the floor. The Batter groaned, feeling a scalding burn where he was hit.

"Tsk. There's no way we're getting our asses kicked by a goddamn cat!" Alpha rammed into Japhet, grinding the small body into the floor. Japhet roared and stuck his claws into the ring shaped body. "Ow!" Alpha floated up to try to get the cat to get off, but to his horror, he was still stuck; to add insult to injury, Japhet used his other hand to start clawing the Add-On. "Fuckingshitgethimoffgethimoff..."

The Batter ran toward Alpha, bat in hand, and swung at Japhet like he was a pinata. The force of the hit was enough to send Japhet sailing straight into a wall. "Oof..." he stood back up, glaring at them. "Your arms are as strong as your spirit... but, I will not let a crime go unpunished!" He opened his mouth again, and this time, a strong gale of wind came out, heading toward the two heroes. The shockingly powerful winds hit the Batter and Alpha, cutting them up from all sides.

The Batter was a bit worried now - he felt very close to defeat. He dodged Japhet's next pounce and immediately used Save First Base on himself. "Alpha, use some Luck Tickets on yourself." He was, however, unanswered. "...Alpha?"

"..." Alpha was simply floating there. His body had darkened, as if he was a lightbulb with its switch turned off. He did not do anything. He did not say anything.

Alpha was dead.

"Oh." the Batter briefly cursed himself for not buying any Jokers; Zacharie said that they revived people, but the Batter believed that he wouldn't need one. Surely, the masked salesman was having a good laugh about this.

Japhet was ready to pounce again, but he hesitated. The cat looked around, an uneasy expression on his face. "...A powerful specter is coming..."

"What?"

"...No doubt, the specter is getting attracted by the sounds of our clash - if there's anything to like about the specters, it's their respect for my library and its rules." Japhet shot a look at the Batter. "I think I'll be leaving you to deal with the specter. You'll be joining your Add-On soon, Batter!"

Japhet disappeared in a column of light and the stairs that led further up the building was suddenly barricaded. The Batter gripped his bat tightly.

How powerful was this specter, if it worried the guardian of the Zone?

The Batter saw something float in.

"Purification in pro-"

"Excuse... me..."

The Batter paused.

From out behind a bookcase, a circular ring appeared - another Add-On. The Add-On examined his surroundings before asking, "You... shouldn't be so loud in the library..."

* * *

_The story is now on **PAUSE**._

* * *

_**Author's Note:** What's this? Japhet acting like a true agent of justice? Utter madness!_

**_Notable changes:_**

_* The holy trinity of comforts._  
_* In the original game, the Elsen on the western part of Bismark would sell you the book page. I decided to make it more interesting._  
_* Japhet is now a pretty decent guy._


	6. The Uncooperative Brother

_**Author's Note:** Hyper is back, to bring you more unexciting bullshit - hooray! In this chapter, we meet new party members and go shopping! I hope you enjoy!_

_The story is now on** ON**._

* * *

_**Chapter 5:** The Uncooperative Brother_

* * *

The Batter stared at the new Add-On in the room, nothing but silence shared between them.

The Add-On is pleased by this. "T-That's better... this library is best to be left in humble silence."

The Batter looked from him to the blacked out, dead Alpha, who automatically floated without will. "...Who are you?"

"I am the Add-On, Omega. I've been policing these... upper floors, ever since the guardian disappeared..." the Add-On whispered in response.

'The guardian disappeared?" the Batter said with a raised eyebrow. "He was the one confronting me just earlier."

"...The... cat...?" the Add-On shook, as if saying no. "He... is not the guardian. He calls himself Japhet but he does not resemble him in the slightest."

"Then who is the cat?"

"I do not know... he... is most likely delusional. As for the guardian... I'm not sure where he went..." Omega stopped. "O-oh... pardon my m-manners. I forgot to ask for your name."

"I am the Batter. I am here on a sacred mission to purify the world of evil."

"You're... an agent of justice, then?"

"That's one way of putting it."

"H-how admirable! It's nice to see somebody who pursues justice in this haunted,. paranoia filled world!"

A thought entered the Batter's mind: could he have multiple Add-Ons? It wouldn't hurt to check, he thought. "Since you're so interested in justice, would you care to join me?"

"Well, I'm not bonded to anybody..." Omega floated closer to the Batter. The capped figure stretched his arm out toward the Add-On and touched him. The touch created a reaction, a burst of light.

**Add-On Omega has joined your party!**

The Add-On backed away from the Batter and flew around madly, alarmed by the announcement made by the voice unknown to him. "W-who's there?"

"Don't mind him." the Batter answered. "We have some work to do."

"But... who is..." in his frenzy, Omega flew into the dead Alpha, bumping the blackened shape back; this further unnerved the new party member. "...E...excuse... me. B-b-but who is this...?"

"That is Alpha, my other Add-On."

"Why is he... ummmm... _dead?_ Do... you not have any... Jokers?"

"No." Once again, the Batter cursed himself for not buying any.

"Wh-What? You don't have any? Why? Why don't you have one? Jokers are a basic need, an essential! All weary travelers carry one!" The Batter ignored the rambling Add-On, heading back downstairs (with the dead Alpha being forcibly dragged along) since the staircase to the next floor was blocked. Omega followed them, continuing his rant. "They are needed to revive lives that are cut short by the specters! Why, t-to be an agent of justice without owning at least one Joker is a death sentence; one cannot fight without one! B-Batter, your mismanagement has cost the life of one of your allies! Do you not have any shame? Do you not have any regrets, you impetuous fool? I... I am starting to regret joining with you, now. What if you accidentally get me killed and-"

The Batter interacted with the yellow cube floating in the stairwell. The cube flashed and it healed up the Batter's wounds. The light then drained into Alpha's body. The light that glowed within the Add-On's body slowly grew brighter until he was a radiant lightbulb.

"...or... you could just interact with one of those cubes." Omega muttered.

It took a few seconds before Alpha regained consciousness. He seemed to be dimly aware of what's happening. "...Why are we here? What happened to that cat?" He looked away from the Batter and took notice of his new fellow Add-On. "...and who's this asshole?"

"I-I am Omega, your new acquaintance." Omega greeted humbly.

"...Batter, what did I miss?"

"You died, Japhet, or whatever his name is, mistook Omega as a specter and fled, and Omega joined us." the Batter answered plainly.

"Oh." Alpha confronted Omega. "Hey, I'm Alpha."

"It's nice to meet you. I-I suppose." the other Add-On answered. "I hope to be a valuable asset to this team."

"Hmm... what can you do?"

"Um... well I have three Competences, which I've learned in my time of, um... defending this library. I have Optimised Blur, which does an attack of random impact - unconventional and luck-based, but it's useful at times. I also have Inverse and Overdone Perspective, which cures Blindness and Muteness and Poison and Sleep, respectively. Yes."

"Those last two Competences sound useful." the Batter said with a nod.

"Yes. I've been, um, learning how to cure Fury, Madness, and Palsy - I'm sure that I'll learn it... eventually."

"Right. Now then... since access to the upper floors are still blocked off, we need to look around for the cat that claims to be Japhet. He's admittedly the only lead we have." the Batter said. He took the lead as the trio started to descend the library.

While they moved about, Omega moved over to Alpha. "So, er, Alpha-"

"Don't stand close to me. We only met a minute ago, man." Alpha hissed.

"S-sorry!" he backed away. "What I'm wondering is..." he briefly glanced ahead at the Batter before finishing his question. "...what are the Batter's goals? His goal of purifying the world seems interesting, but I'm curious as to what it... entails."

"...As far as I know, we need to kill the guardians."

"K-kill... the guardians? I... I do not understand why he would do that."

"Well, the first one was sort of an asshole anyway."

Omega was silent before he was realized that Alpha used the past tense - he was appalled. "Y-you already off'd Dedan? The first guardian? The tall mister? The director of Alma? H-how-"

"I can hear you guys talking." the Batter interrupted.

""O-oh! Sorry, er, boss, leader... I-I'm not sure what to call you..."

"Just call me the Batter. I don't need any other title." he answered. "If you're curious as to why I'm eliminating the guardians... it will all make sense in time."

"A l-long term plan, then?"

"If you want to call it that."

They were now on the bottom floor of the library. The librarian Elsen just finished checking out a book (a real one) to another Elsen, who immediately walked out, muttering about taking a pedalo back to a place called Vesper. The librarian noticed the Batter as he and his party came down the stairs. "Ah. Are you... um, satisfied with the fourth floor?"

"Sort of. Have you seen a cat in the lobby?" the baseball uniformed man asked.

"Um... no... s-sorry. I thought I heard meowing outside, but, um, it might be a vivid hallucination." he paused. "Never sleeping while doing my job, um, tends to give me hallucinations."

"That's... nice to know..." the trio slowly backed away before turning around and going outside.

Standing in front of the tall pink building when they emerged was a white cat; however, it was not the feline that claimed to be Japhet, but rather, the Judge. The cat looked up at them, and although the look on his face was welcoming, there was anxiety in his eyes. "Ah, we meet again, purificatory crusaders and their metaphysical observers. I can see that you have recruited another Add-On to your righteous cause, Batter."

"Erm, yes. I am Omega." the new Add-On greeted.

"Salutations. I go by the title of The Judge."

"Hey Judge." Alpha called. "Have you seen another cat around here? Preferably one with wind powers that cuts like a bitch?"

"Cat?" the Judge's eyes widened in surprise. "I take it that you've met Valerie, then?"

"Valerie?" the Batter said in an intrigued tone.

"Yes, Valerie, my brother."

They were struck silent by this turn of events."...Isn't Valerie a girl name?" Alpha pointed out, ruining said silence.

"Look, it hardly matters." the cat shook his head. "I've searched all over the Zones for him; I managed to narrow his location to this Zone, but I still haven't encountered him yet. From the information I've acquired, I discovered that he's gone under the delusion that he's Japhet, the guardian of this Zone."

"That's the cat we met." the Batter answered.

"Oh really? Is he gone now?"

"Yes. We're trying to track him down. He might lead us to the real Japhet."

"Ah. I've been informed by an acquaintance that Valerie's marked the Zone's shopping mall as his territory. He apparently paces the halls, scratching up the plastic mannequins and hissing at any specter that dares to interrupt his good time. He might have gone there."

"The shopping mall is technically public domain territory... but d'aaaw." Omega cooed.

"Yes, the antics of my kind are quite endearing, are they not? However, that is not the matter at hand. I propose we join forces and search the mall for him; our goals lie in finding him, after all."

The Batter thought about the proposal a bit. He then offered a nod. "That sounds like a good idea."

The Judge grinned and jumped up the Batter's leg, clambering up to his shoulder. "Right. Lead the way, comrade."

**The Judge has temporarily joined your party!**

"...There's that voice again..." Omega murmured.

The party, on the instructions of the Judge, walked around the library, heading north. While doing so, the Judge started talking with Omega and they excitedly talked about literature, much to the annoyance of the Batter and Alpha. They took the northern path and after a minute of walking, they found themselves in front of the mall. The mall was a big blocky building, with a set of stairs leading up to it. There was an Elsen standing on the steps, looking up with frightful eyes at the building.

The pale man noticed the newcomers, looking at them quizzically. "O-oh... I haven't seen you people here... before. Welcome to the Gomez Galleries, in the northern part of Zone-"

"Y-you don't need to educate us on this..." Omega interrupted, having read about these kinds of things.

Unfortunately, when there's unnecessary exposition, it cannot be stopped. "-2. It is here where luxuries can be acquired. People who are unsatisfied with what they currently have come to this den of consumerism in order to seek better things. As the first of the three comforts, the mall is the most important.

"Without the mall, there will be no luxuries to be had. The people will increasingly grow unsatisfied until dissension breaks out."

The entire party stared at the Elsen blankly. "...I'm not sure that there's a holy trinity of comforts, sir." The Judge said in response.

"...O-oh. Well, regardless, t-the shopping mall is in... hhhh... bad shape right now."

"The stores are closed?" Alpha said, probably raising an eyebrow (if he had one).

"N-no... t-the specters have infested the mall... it is rather... um, unsettling..."

"Specters are in the mall?" the Batter said. He took out a baseball bat and slung it over the shoulder that the Judge wasn't occupying. "We'll deal with the specters."

The Judge's smile briefly turned into a frown. "Um, while your cause may be noble, we have more important goals to be attending to."

"Fine. I'll still be purifying every specter we come across, though."

They head up the stairs and enter the mall. A catchy beat seemed to be playing over the intercom, apparently to entertain the shoppers. However, there didn't seem to be any customers around, scared away by the specter infestation. There was one familiar person present, though, standing behind a counter.

"Hello again, my friends!" Zacharie greeted, waving at them from behind the counter.

"Goddamn it." Alpha groaned.

"I can see that you joined the Batter, my feline friend. Care to buy some equipment?"

"Oh, no." the Judge chuckled. "This is only a temporary partnership, so I won't be needing any armaments."

"Ha ha, of course. What about you, new Add-On? Typically, new party members need to be re-armed, as their starter equipment - if you have any - tend to be lackluster."

"...Uh..." Omega stammered. For once in his life, Omega could not understand what somebody was saying. "I'm not sure what you mean, but, uh, I guess I'll buy some armor. ...I don't have any credits, but..."

"I'll be paying." the Batter sighed, pulling out crumpled credits from his pocket and laying them out before Zacharie. "Do you have any new equipment for me?"

"Why, of course I do! After all, my inventory is tailor-made for all playable characters." Zacharie said, pulling out his inventory from the counter shelves; among them was a stack of different colored Luck Tickets. "You'll be happy to know what I now have Fortune Tickets available - it heals much more than Luck Tickets."

"Right. I think I'll take seven of tho-"

"D-don't forget the Jokers." Omega sternly reminded.

The Batter glared at him, making the Add-On back off. Zacharie made a hearty chuckle as he brought the Jokers out anyway.

After purchasing everything that was needed, they proceeded to the next room. As they walked, various members of the group occasionally glanced at a poster lining a wall: advertisements for baseball bats, plastic furniture, plastic mannequins, all sorts of interesting commodities. The next room had a barricade to the immediate left, which practically forces them to take the door on the far right of the hall. However, there seemed to be something peculiar behind he barricade - a button that looked like the walking signal for crosswalks.

"Is that a device that summons a pedalo?" the Judge asked, squinting his eyes to get a better look at it.

"I think so." the Batter replied.

"Why would there be a button here if there's nothing to ride the damn thing in?" Alpha questioned.

"I'm not entirely sure. It's worth investigating later. For now though, we're still on the lookout for my sibling." the Judge jumped down from the Batter's shoulder (who immediately started brushing cat hair off his tunic). "Now, I've heard that the shopping center has a labyrinth-like structure, and, when combined with the uproarious specter contamination, exploring the area will be quite tedious. So, if I may suggest, we should split into pairs to give the place a quicker excavation."

"Good idea. Omega, you're with me." The Batter started to walk ahead with a serious stride.

"Er, yes, I'm coming. We've already wasted enough time as it is, and justice cannot be hindered by time..." the justice minded Add-On quickly followed.

The Judge looked up at the leftover Add-On. "Ah yes, what an appropriate set-up; if I recall, I was the one who first located you."

"And you were frustrated like a goddamn baby that you couldn't join up with me." Alpha said, in a mocking tone.

"I won't deny that happened - I was quite surprised to learn that we couldn't properly bond and join forces." the cat shrugged as he started to trot toward the door. "However, you were the least of my worries. I was searching for dear Valerie in the rain filled Zone, and I was quite anxious - my dear sibling might have gotten soaked, and that's unbecoming for a feline."

"Blah bah blah, yap yap yap, let's just get this started."

* * *

The blue hallways seemed to stretch into infinity, at least, it looked that way to the Batter and Omega. The two justice-seekers were seemingly lost in the den of consumerism. Crates, posters, and mannequins lined the walls, seemingly staring at them as they passed.

A befuddled Batter looked at his companion for some help. "Do you know anything about this shopping center that could help?"

"Um... unfortunately, no. I only know basic facts that I've learned from the books in..."

"Hehehehe..."

Omega got agitated. "H-hey now, you don't need to laugh at me. I know that it's unorthodox to learn about... such an important place from books, but-"

"I wasn't the one who laughed." the Batter interrupted. "I never laugh."

Knowing full well that laughter doesn't come from nowhere, the two immediately scanned the surrounding area for the sound of the laughter. They heard another giggle; the Batter's eyes fixated on a box of metals, which rumbled a bit.

Then, the side of the crate burst open. Two rodent like ghouls crawled out, chewing on bits of metal while giggling through their teeth. They looked up at the two purifiers and immediately became agitated - they don't appreciate it when other people show up on their turf.

The Batter stepped away slowly as they started to inch toward them, using a Wide Angle while doing so. "Those ghouls are Massus, ghouls of fulminant chakra. There is nothing notable about them, other than their weakness against smoke."

"R-right..." Omega was a bit unnerved by the rodent like ghouls, but regardless, he was floating up towards them, ready for his first foray into combat. "Alright you loiterers, h-have a taste of my might!" The bright light that radiated from Omega started to blur, and the air around him seemed to shimmer; he was using Optimised Blur as his first attack. The blurred out Add-On flew at a Massu, hoping that the attack would be of incredible impact, or perhaps even cataclysmic. Putting all of his hopes in the attack, he struck the Massu.

Unfortunately, the attack was of little impact. There was only a small scratch on the Massu. The ghoul seemed more annoyed than anything.

"I... perhaps t-that wasn't the best example of myyyaaargh!" he screamed as the Massu bit him.

The Batter came to his rescue, delivering a Special Homerun to the Massu, knocking the ghoul away. The baseball themed warrior stepped around the Add-On and gave one last, normal hit to the Massu, who screeched as the bat finished him off. Omega recovered and turned toward the remaining ghoul, going into Optimised Blur mode again (perhaps to make up for his embarrassing first attack). He charged at the Massu, and this time, the attack was much stronger, creating a gash in the Massu's stomach. The Batter swung his bat once more, finishing off that enemy as well.

"Adversaries purified." the Batter said, slinging his bat over his shoulder. "Let's continue on."

* * *

Meanwhile, the Judge and Alpha took a different route from the others. Unfortunately, like them, they had no idea where they were going. While the arrangements of set pieces changed, the galleries still looked like never ending hallways.

"This is worse than Dedan's stupid musical maze." Alpha growled, knocking over a mannequin to emphasis his anger.

"I agree. I am compelled to hope that there is an individual watching us with an overhead perspective of this place, so that we may be guided toward the correct destination." the cat shook his head. "Unfortunately, even if we are being observed, they can't do much to help. Perhaps this "Narrator" being might, though."

"Hey, Hyper, do us a favor and help us out?"

Hm? Did you say "send in a specter to deal with you?" Why, of course you did.

Just then, they spotted something turning the corner up ahead. An enemy. The ectoplasm spotted them and she giggled - the thought of ripping them apart was appealing to her. The ghoul, who looked like a grown up version of a Tiburce, started to step towards them.

"Oh fuck you, Hyper."

However, despite this sudden change, the Judge looked very unconcerned, giving the advancing enemy a thoughtful look. "Ah, I believe that the specter charging at us is a Gilles de Rais, a mundane ghoul that happens to wield Heavy Silence. This type of ghoul has the honor of being unaffected by attacks from Add-Ons - it's rumored that their skin negates the powerful glow of an Add-On. Alpha, I recommend that you shall leave me to handle this."

Alpha was very skeptical. To him, the Judge was just a cat, after all. "Oh yeah? What can you do?"

"I could do this." the Judge said in a cheerful tone as he bounded toward the Gilles de Rais. The cat closed his eyes and chanted, "Critical Aneurysm." He opened his eyes and a target made of light developed on his head. The Judge leaped forward, claws outstretched.

Then, with a single slice, the Gilles de Rais was already letting out a death screech. Blood spilled from the ghoul's chest, which was cut into ribbons from the superpowered scratch. The Gilles de Rais twitched a bit in her last moments before disappearing.

The Judge licked some of the blood that got on him before looking back at Alpha.

The Add-On was completely dumbstruck.

He silently followed the cat, who had taken the lead.

* * *

The Gomez Galleries was a treacherous maze. The Batter and Omega, though having found several lost treasures in the process, have not managed to locate the cat yet. They occasionally heard pacing behind a wall, but there didn't seem to be a way to get to the other side. To add to this wild goose chase, they were constantly under attack by the specters residing in the shopping center; as frightening as they were, though, they were more of a distraction than anything.

"H-hey!" Omega called to the Batter after a battle against a Massu and Gilles de Rais. He was floating next to a doorway. "I don't think we've explored this room before."

The duo entered. Unfortunately, they were disappointed by what they found. It seemed little more than a storage room, with a trapped Elsen inside.

"O-o-oh. H-hello." the Elsen made a nervous twitch. "Do you know how to ward off.. the specters? I-I've considered starting a fire to scare them off... but... it seems too dangerous..."

"Yes. It's dangerous and illegal." Omega said. "I commend you for not going through with your act of... um, arson."

"...T-thank you...?" the Elsen replied in a confused tone, wondering why a floating ring was talking to him.

Omega was already leaving, but the Batter remained in the room. He looked at the crates in the room (bearing, "WARNING: FLAMMABLE), fingers at his chin. "Hmm... are the specters really frightened by fire?"

* * *

The Judge and Alpha did not have much luck in locating Valerie either. The ghouls were less of a nuisance for them, however, as the Judge simply steamrolled through them, while Alpha could only watch in awe. They did, however, manage to find...

"Amazing." the Judge said, mesmerized by the image on the wall.

"Oh, for the love of..." Alpha muttered.

Standing before them, painted on the wall, was a happy, cartoon cat used for an advertisement for Alma cat food.

"The fine form, the precise brush strokes, the composition... truly, this is a work of art that will be remembered by decades to come." the Judge gushed. If he didn't have any self-control, a tear would be rolling down his cheek.

Alpha decided to ignore him and advanced to the next room; he was back at the room near the lobby of the mall, this time, on the other side of the barriers. He pressed the now accessible pedalo button; while the barriers dropped, the pedalo was still nowhere in sight, which was rather obvious.

Alpha poked back into the room, where the Judge was still admiring the "work of art". "Hey, I pressed that button from earlier."

"How splendid. Perhaps we have to..." the Judge's nose crinkled. Suddenly, a look of fear took over his face, even suppressing his smile. "...we need to abscond from the premises. Immediately."

The Add-On watched the cat scurry toward the entrance room. "Hey, what's the rush?"

The Judge looked up at him and simply answered, "I smell smoke."

* * *

Omega floated aimlessly, trying to keep out of sight from any malevolent specters (aka, all of them). He was immensely pleased to see the Batter again. Even if he was gone for just a bit, the specters of the mall were a bit too terrifying for Omega's standards. "Batter, thank goodness you're here! I can no longer take the rather... terrifying giggling from these phantoms by my lonesome! Just hearing their treacherous, um, giggles from all directions is a paranoia-inducing experie-"

His rant faded into stutters as the Batter simply ran past him.

He slowly turned. "Er... B-Batter?"

Without breaking his base stealing run, the Batter slightly rotated his head and mouthed, "Run."

Omega looked back down the hall, where the room with the Elsen was.

Smoke was drifting down the passage at an alarming rate.

"...H-h-he didn't...!" oh, the Add-On was getting riled up now. How dare the Batter commit arson - or, even worse, convinced the Elsen to go through with it? The Batter's methods are getting more and more questionable; sure, this may ward off the specters, but at the price of the establishment? Omega was already thinking of a scolding rant to give. His boss needed to be educated of the errors of his ways!

At the moment, though, he needed to escape. Even if Add-Ons can't breathe, it would be terrible if he burned to death. So, Omega started to fly after the Batter, screaming like a little girl.

The Batter was already coughing. The building material seemed to be catching fire easily, as if it was made of paper. Imperfect. Yes. The world that the Queen had built is imperfect. Can't even withstand a fire.

_"Oh well... why live in an unsafe world where our buildings can set aflame...?"_

Those were the words that the Elsen said before the Batter left him behind in the flames. The unstable man didn't even try to follow. However, upon mere reflection, the man wasn't unstable.

The whole world was. The Batter is going to fix that. A purified world will solve all its problems. However, the world can't be purified if he was going to let himself burn up in a measly fire.

The Batter's resolve strengthened. He ran as fast as he could, so fast that his floating companion could not keep up.

A scratching noise was heard. Then, as if floating through a wall like a specter, Valerie appeared. The Batter was so absorbed in dealing with the specters that he completely lost sight of his original goal.

"Valerie! Halt! Do not cause me to resort to force!"

The cat merely shot him a glance - a cold, unforgiving glance - before he started running.

"H-hey! Y-your brother's worried about you! W-We are only trying to help!" the worried Add-On exclaimed.

Valerie did not stop. He bounded down the halls and streaked past an intersection.

Before the purificatory heroes followed, something appeared. Taking the other path in the hallway intersection, a large being floated, knocking over the groups of boxes strewn around the place. A single horrible eye, positioned over a large set of teeth, stared into their souls as it passed by.

Then, just like that, the monster was gone. In the midst of the moment, Valerie had disappeared.

"I... w-what!" Omega had recognized the being. He was not sure whether the creature was a horrible illusion cast by Valerie, or a hallucination among the smoke.

The appearance of the thing even halted the Batter's progress. After a second of being in disbelief, he shook his head and continued. If he couldn't find Valerie, he at least needed to escape.

However, the Batter and Omega escaped the place without encountering Valerie again. From a safe distance away, they saw the Judge, Alpha, and Zacharie watching in shock as the Gomez Galleries burned down while the Elsen that was on the steps earlier was running away, frightened.

Zacharie was the first to notice them and was welcoming. "Hahaha, what did I tell you? Of course our main characters would survive, despite the unexpected change in plot!"

"Goodness, what could have been the catalyst for the fire?" the Judge questioned loudly.

Omega shoved the Batter.

The Batter changed the subject. "We saw Valerie, but he got away from us."

"W-Why is your br-brother so hostile?" Omega asked the Judge. "All he d-does is run and hide from us!"

"And kill us." Alpha quietly added.

"I am not entirely sure myself. In fact, if I didn't know better, Valerie could have been avoiding me the whole time I was searching for him." the Judge said, looking down on the ground, almost sad.

Zacharie looked around at the group of heroes before chuckling feebly. "Well, I'm not one for emotional torment and frustration... I also need to find a new place to set up shop... so... I'll be leaving for now. I'll see you again in two more chapters." The fourth-wall breaker quickly left the scene.

"...Well, at least the shopping mall was desolate to begin with, so there won't be a large amount of the populace losing their heads over this horrible incident." the Judge said, looking on the bright side. He looked back to the Elsen; the guy had knocked himself out running into a wall.

"Yes. Plus, at least the specter infestation has been dealt with." the Batter chipped in.

"B-Batter, n-not only were the ghouls, well, completely irrelevant to what we were doing, but _did you really have to resort to committing ars-_"

"Hey, sorry to break this up." interrupted an unapologetic Alpha. "Look, before everything started burning and shit, I pressed that pedalo button. Maybe the pedalo will lead us to Valerie, wherever it is."

"W-what makes you think that?"

"Look, it's the only fucking lead we have so far and I'm tired of running around looking for a stupid cat." the aggressive Add-On noticed the displeased look the Judge was giving him. Remembering the Judge's Competences, he frightfully added, "N-no offense."

The talking cat nodded. "I apologize to you as well for my unsettling glare. However, that's not important. Right now, we must locate Valerie. I'll scour the city to see if he's taken refuge there, while you investigate the matter of the pedalo - surely, it must be of some importance."

"Agreed." the Batter said, although, he briefly wondered why the Judge would take the seemingly harder task - to him, he was just a cat, after all.

"Right. How about we reunite at, oh, say, the residential district on the East side of Bismark after we have all our business completed?"

More agreements.

"That's settled then. I shall be seeing you all soon, and I profoundly wish you the best of luck." the Judge cast one last glance of the radiant glow of what used to be the mall before trotting away.

The Batter took a short moment to watch the fire he had started. He watched the fire-started smoke trail up into the air before it chemically breaks up into the smoke breathable by the Elsens. He was sure that the Gomez Galleries would just fade into nothing more than a memory; if anything, the Elsens would be happy that the den of phantoms is gone. Behind him, Omega had just finished up recapping what had happened in the mall, and both Add-Ons, despite their personalities, united to stare at the Batter in complete shock, wondering what kind of a person he was.

Finally, the Batter took up his namesake and turned to confront his spiritual comrades. "Let's get going. I have an idea where the pedalo might be."

* * *

_The story is now on **PAUSE**._

_**Author's Note:** Sometimes I like stamping on canon boundaries but the rest of the time I'm scared of alienating people that would take my stories seriously._

_This chapter was originally going to contain both the mall and amusement park segments, but this chapter is already longer than the last one. I really don't want you people to feel bored._

_Remember to leave your reviews, be they praises, complaints, or death threats! I appreciate them all the same!_


	7. The Unfun Attractions

_**Author's Note:** Beep boop, Shin Megami Tensei IV is great._

_Also hey I posted my 3DS friend code on my profile._

_Please hang out with me._

_The story is now on **ON**._

* * *

_**Chapter 6:** The Unfun Attractions_

* * *

The Batter had a good idea on where the pedalo appeared. He led his duo of Add-Ons away from the Gomez Galleries (which was still being eaten up by flames). Upon reaching the library, they took a right and went down the next path to the west side of Bismark, where the mainland faced the far-off amusement park. Thankfully, the Batter's hunch was right, as, bobbing in the liquid plastic, was a nice pedalo.

Omega scrunched his thoughts together, trying to figure out why a button in the northern part of town would spawn something in the western part. "Hmm... I-I believe that the b-button we found in the shopping gallery is used for a monetary factor. I-If I recall, the amusement park has free admission, s-so naturally, some people want to make money off of it. Yes... the merchants at the Gomez Galleries most likely charged people to get rides to the island. That... that makes perfect sense."

"Why are you always rambling?" the Batter openly asked.

"...I-I'll be quiet..."

The Batter got into the water vehicle, setting his feet against the pedals. Alpha floated closely to the vehicle. He stared into the plastic, recalling the fight against the Valzong-Burnt; then he started to speculate what effects the burning mall would have on the citizens. "Those Elsens better not turn into Burnts because of that fiasco..."

Omega was curious about his change in demeanor. "Are you saying that because... you're... worried about the Elsens."

"Pffft. No. I'm just tired of fighting stupid Burnts. Yeah."

"All Elsens eventually become Burnt, in time." the Batter murmured.

"Hmm? What do ya mean by that?"

"Recall the Elsens in Zone 1. They were stressed, they were tired, they were overworked - which lead to them taking their spectral forms." The Batter started pedaling, the rows making nice splashing sounds, which was comforting in comparison to the sound of churning meat. "If things continued to run its course, many Elsens would have become Burnt. The offices would become graveyards and the meat would contain more blood than it naturally contains."

Alpha quietly admitted in his head that he was probably right.

"All Elsens in this world will become Burnts, spurned on by a variety of troubles - good intentioned people being filled with grief and becoming monstrous abominations. The same will run its course here - the Elsens here are notably more paranoid."

"That... is a tragic truth." Omega confirmed. "I've heard some stories... of Elsens locking themselves away in their homes... the, um, comforts aren't enough to quell their paranoia."

"Exactly. However, if I purify the Zones..." the Batter was interrupted as the pedalo slammed into the tiny island that has the staircase that leads underground. "Oh, we're here."

The man disembarked. From there, he could see that the amusement park was on a raised platform (presumably because of government regulations. Or something.), so the only way to go was down.

There was a well-lit tunnel underground, which goes in the direction of the park; most likely, it's an underground entrance.

"Omega, do you know anything about the amusement park?" the Batter requested.

"Indeed I do!" the Add-On answered, joyful that his information laden rants were finally going to be useful. "T-the amusement park was constructed by... a man named... Zacharie, commissioned by this Zone's guardian."

"Zacharie?" the other Add-On asked.

"Yes. Do you, um, know him?"

"He's the mask wearing chump from earlier."

"Oh, really now? That's fascinating! Although, he doesn't... er... look like a chump to me."

"Maybe it's because you're a chump too."

"Wha-? I-I am no "chump"!"

"Well, you sure as hell act like one."

"W-why I never..."

"Please don't fight." the Batter interrupted. "Continue, Omega."

'Right. Acting belligerent isn't, um, good." the intelligent Add-On coughed. "Now, back on topic. The park consists of three attractions: a balloon popping game that's a variation of the logical Game of Nim challenge, a pedalo ride through sweet smelling plastic, and a rollercoaster. However, um, recent public displeasure has lead to the old rollercoaster being shut down and replaced with, er, a new, more family friendly and less danger prone ride. There is a rumor that there's a switch in the pedalo ride attraction that grants access to the old rollercoaster, but, it's m-merely speculation."

"I-interesing." his handler replied.

"...? Is something wrong, Batter? I noticed you stammering."

"I'm fine." the man insisted. They finally reached the end of the tunnel and they ascend up to the surface.

The sun, or whatever constituted as the sun in the world of OFF, shined above the amusement park's entrance; nearby the sun, the structure of a rollercoaster was seen, as if it was trying to reach for it. Like the rest of Bismark, the park is a relaxing pink, easing visitors as they tour around.

They were in the queue to the amusement park, which was devoid of any other souls; considering that the only way in what inaccessible until that point, of course it would be empty, you ding dongs. However, there was something... ominous in the queue. The trio of heroes, forced by social and game mechanics, had to slowly go through the snaking path, heading ever so closer and closer to the thing. The object floated ominously as they approached and...

...the balloon exploded, jarring Omega.

"Aaaah!" the startled Add-On screamed.

"Chump." coughed Alpha..

The Batter crouched down and sifted through the remains of the balloon (probably made of plastic or something) and then pulled a prize from its carcass. "A free Fortune Ticket? I'll accept it." He pocketed the ticket and they continued on their way. There was no one there to sell them tickets, so they continued unhindered; maybe Omega was right about the whole monetization thing.

The entrance led to an in-doors plaza, which had a few Elsens milling around. How they even got there is anyone's guess. One greeted the Batter and the Add-Ons as they entered. "Welcome to the amusement park, off the mainland of Zone 2. It's... a nice place, isn't it?"

The Batter looked around. While the place looked nice, it was dead silent. Which was the opposite of what parks should sound like. "I... suppose so."

"Yes. It is here that ordinary citizens can pursue fun activities to ease their boredom. It's located far off from the main city so that, uh, we won't bother people. As one of the three comforts, the amusement park is the most important.

"Without the amusement park, people will be bored. They will become restless until they descend into madness."

"...Sir..." Omega said. "I... I doubt that the lack of an amusement park would cause a city to, well, descend into... er... insanity."

"Well, regardless of what you believe, I hope you, er, have an enjoyable time. I know I am." the Elsen cracked a little smile. "I am having the time of my life, standing around in this lobby. The o-other attractions are just too... hhh... extreme for me."

The Elsen briefly had a recollection about the park's attractions.

He promptly doubled over and threw up.

"...We should leave." Alpha said, to the agreement of his other two teammates. They went down the hallway to their right, where they find an Elsen blocking the door in the middle of the hallway.

"I-I'm sorry, you cannot enter this room." the Elsen rasped. "Only the boss can enter... u-unless you're an acquaintance of his."

The three heroes glanced at each other, questioning if they're close enough with Zacharie to enter his room and take his shit.

"...Before you ask, buying things from him does not constitute as... a proper friendship."

Rejected by the guard, the three went back to the plaza (the Elsen that had thrown up was now unconscious due to trauma from throwing up). They had several questions in their minds, however, the most important question that they were all subconsciously agreeing on was...

"What now?" they said in unison.

"I'm not sure." the Batter stated. "As far as we know, this place is completely irrelevant to our goals."

"It has to have some importance though, right? That barricade from earlier was practically asking for us to go around the fucking place to press that damn button." Alpha pointed out.

"We need to investigate further before we, ah, jump to conclusions." suggested Omega.

"Right. To investigate this place quickly, we should split up. Again." plotted the Batter.

"Hopefully, no more arson will be committed."

"I'll try not to."

"Alright. I'm going to check out the pedalo attraction. Don't try arguing with me." Alpha said, floating down the hallway they just walked through before the others could choose.

"Ooookay... well, my choice is f-fairly obvious - I choose the balloon popping game." said Omega. "I know about the Game of Nim, so I may be able to outmaneuver my opponent."

Despite it being a sensible choice, the Batter actually raised an objection to it. "But... I don't want to go to the rollercoaster."

"You... don't want to...?"

"I-I mean..." he stammered before composing himself to his usual stoic self. "I don't want to go yet. I'll ask around for information first before I do so."

"Oh, I see! For a second, I had the impression that you have a phobia of rollercoasters!"

"That's utterly ridiculous."

Despite that, the Batter found himself shaking a little.

Luckily, Omega had already turned his back. Or... whatever qualifies as his back. "Good luck on your end, Batter."

"You too."

After his Add-On left, the purificatory hero let out a rather loud sigh of relief, lifted up his hat a bit, and brushed away the sweat that was forming on his forehead.

* * *

Surprisingly, Alpha was enjoying the attraction.

He had foregone the pedalo at the entrance, instead, opting to float over the plastic. The plastic gave off a warm aura, relaxing the Add-On's spherical body as he slowly traversed across the liquid, the scent of flowers invading his senses. It was like Heaven, if Heaven is rose-scented. The whole experience had him forgetting things, such as the fact that he's essentially helping a guy who's sociopathic (at best) murder the leaders of the world.

Along the way, he encountered balloons such as the one at the entrance, all containing prizes, which he made sure to get. The prize-collecting was fun to him, especially since he wasn't being hindered by the hidden rollers in the plastic that would have pushed away pedalos trying to get prizes.

Then, he came across something: a switch that was on on, with a sign telling him not to switch it.

So of course, he chose to switch it on off.

* * *

"Should I explain the rules to this game?"

Omega was outside with an Elsen behind a booth that was running the balloon popping game. There were 13 balloons floating between them and Omega had already formulated a strategy; as long as he avoided getting stuck with 5 balloons, he could lead himself to victory.

"Yes, I am aware of the rules." the Add-On answered; they take turns popping one, two, or three balloons and the person left with one balloon left loses.

"Okay. But I warn you, this game isn't for, ah, the faint-hearted."

"Er... I can take it."

"Ah... well, I feel the need to mention that if you lose, you may become, um... depressed, so be careful. Of course, if you win, you get... a grand prize, so there's that to consider. Now, let's... begin." the Elsen prodded a single balloon and it popped.

Suddenly, a scream resonated from the plaza. "_The sp-specters are upon us!_"

The man running the game ignored him. "Your turn."

Omega popped one balloon. The Elsen popped three. Omega took out three, ensuring his victory. The Elsen popped one. Somewhere, more Elsens screamed from the sound of popping. Omega then eliminated three.

The Elsen stared blankly at the final balloon, as if in a trance. Then, he slowly said, "I... I lost? That's... hhhh... impossible. I've cheated the whole time."

"What?" the Add-On seemed more confused than outrage. "It's... it's impossible to cheat at this game. You'd have to be blatantly popping more balloons than allowed to-"

"You... you..." the Elsen pointed a pale, bony finger at him as smoke started to spill from his mouth. "_You bear me much ill-will!_"

Then, with a pop that was more resounding than the pops of the balloons, the Elsen's head combusted. Omega quickly backed away, frightened by the sudden transformation. He watched as a Valzong-Burnt approached from where the game runner was once standing.

"This... isn't... g-good." Omega said to himself.

* * *

The "new" rollercoaster was only a coaster in name. Chairs spread into rows, affixed to the ground held Elsens in seatbelts. Despite the ride being completely stationary (and not a ride at all), its occupants were terrified. One Elsen at the very front had his head hanging to the side, as he had fallen unconscious due to how extreme the ride was. Another was crying. Even the Batter found the whole thing pitiable.

However, even the Batter had fear in his heart, but it wasn't toward the new rollercoaster.

The Batter glanced at the old rollercoaster, which was blocked off by a gate. The wooden structure stretches into the sky, being strangled by the clouds. He briefly imagined being up there and became almost as nauseous as the Elsen in the plaza.

He was scared of heights. He could handle scaling up a tower if he was indoors, but he was frightened when a chance to fall and splatter on the ground was presented. The holy mission he was on could be cut short by just a fall - specters can be killed, but not the laws of physics, and don't we all want to kill physics?

Thankfully, the area the Batter was in was fairly safe and oh shit wait, is that the gate opening? Oh yeah, it's opening. It's as if someone somewhere flipped a switch. Regardless, go investigate, Batter.

"I..." the Batter clenched his fist. "O-okay."

He advanced toward the rollercoaster, trying to maintain his stoic composure. At the very base of the coaster was a stall with an Elsen inside it.

"...? How... did you get in here?" the Elsen asked.

"The gate's open now." the man paused. "On that note, how did you get in here if the place was closed?"

"I've been trapped here... since the rollercoaster closed."

"Oh."

"I... I keep waving at the people beyond the fence, but they say that it's too dangerous to... attempt a rescue." he then coughed and changed the subject. "Since the gate's open I... suppose this ride is now open. Every ride is free and comes with a free commemorative photo. It's fun. For the whole family."

"...and... how do I get on?"

The worker pointed at a narrow staircase leading up toward a slightly unstable platform.

"...Of course."

* * *

Alpha had dipped himself in the plastic and was now enjoying the rose-scented liquids as if it was a hot tub. Ah.

* * *

Meanwhile, a bruised Omega was flying around the area of the balloon popping game, occasionally turning to hit the Valzong-Burnt that was chasing him.

"S-Sir, you are over-reacting!" screamed Omega.

"Aaaaaaargh!" screeched the Valzong-Burnt in reply. He pounced toward the floating right, burnt claws outstretched. Omega let out a scream and striked back with Optimised Blur. A horrible cracking noise came from the Burnt as the hit connected and the monster was knocked aside.

"O-o-oh no! Are you... alright?" asked Omega, appalled by what he did himself; sure, the Elsen was aggressive and started the fight, but he didn't want it to end like this.

"You... you... win..." the Valzong-Burnt stammered. He put his hand in his pocket and shakily brought out a small box as he started to fade. "Take... it..."

Then he died.

Now Omega was feeling worse, considering that the Valzong-Burnt still honored the game by giving him a prize. The Add-On opened the box, to see if the whole thing was worth it.

He pulled out a necktie.

"...I... I m-murdered somebody over a _necktie?_"

* * *

The Batter finally reached the top of the stairs, after several minutes of taking careful steps. A rollercoaster cart was on the tracks right next to the platform, in pristine condition, despite not being in use for awhile. The platform was also barren... with the exception of a stone statue of Zacharie - the likeliness was uncanny.

"I-I should ride in front." the Batter told himself, planning to take his fear head-on in hopes of quelling it. Before he got in, however, he glanced at the statue once again.

Then, he remembered the Elsen guarding Zacharie's office and the photo that would come with the ride.

With that, an idea clicked into his head...

* * *

When Alpha entered the plaza after a relaxing time, he found that everyone inside was running around and screaming.

"I h-hear explosions! It is the end!"

"Why can't I get over this wall! The sp-specters will devour me!"

"Wow, look at these pools of plastic indoors. What a crazy concept."

"I don't want to expire!"

"Aaaah I'm screaming!"

However, there didn't seem to be any specters in sight, so Alpha didn't really care. He was concerned, though, when Omega arrived, bruised and bloody. "Oh shit, what happened?"

"I... I have committed a crime..."

"...How hardcore was that balloon popping game?"

"..." Omega was silent.

"Ooookay." Alpha dodged to the side to allow a running Elsen pass him. "Let's see how the Batter's doing."

* * *

The Batter flopped out of the rollercoaster car and started crawling, legs too shaky to support him. "How degrading..." he thought. He resisted the urge to void the contents of his stomach, at least until he reaches the commemorative photo stand.

"Hello, sir. Are you... feeling well?" the Elsen asked as he spotted the tunic wearing man crawling toward him.

"Eventually." the Batter answered, pulling out a Belial's Meat and chewing on it in hopes of making him feel better.

"Right then. Here's your photo... oh my, you've ridden with the boss? You are a lucky man."

The Batter looked behind his shoulder and sees the stone statue of Zacharie in the rollercoaster cart, which he pushed in himself. He slowly got up, pulling himself together. He thanked the Elsen for the photo and swiped it out of his hands before walking away with an air of relief.

When he returned to the new coaster site, he found his Add-Ons there, waiting for him. "Hey Batter, I got some sweet shit." said Alpha, handing all the prizes he found in the pedalo attraction.

"Thanks." the Batter turned his head toward Alpha and frowned. "What happened to you?"

"I have d-done a heinous deed..."

"Okay." with that, the Batter casually healed him.

"So, are we leaving this place already?" asked Alpha.

"Not yet. I have something that might get us into Zacharie's office." they went over to where the Elsen guard was (on the way, the Add-Ons had to explain that the Elsens were panicking for no reason to prevent the Batter from going on a specter hunt).

"...Y-you again?" the Elsen said, who was sweating furiously and was trying to keep himself from freaking out like his brethren.

"I have proof that we're friends with Zacharie." the man pulled out the commemorative photo.

"Oh! Y-you've ridden with the boss? How wonderful. That's something friends do. You may enter; now, if you excuse me..." the Elsen started to run in circles, freaking out as bad as nearly everyone else before bumping into a wall and knocking himself out cold.

"What's on that photo? Lemme see." Alpha demanded.

The Batter looked down at the photo. It showed him screaming his head off and holding on for dear life while Zacharie's statue screamed lifelessly. He faced Alpha and said, "I don't know."

"I know something's on there! Show it to me!"

Without any reasonable method to get rid of his embarrassing moment, the Batter opted to stuff the photo in his mouth and swallow it.

"...Ooookay." the Add-On backed away from him.

They entered the office, which seemed to be less of an office and more of a place to stash things. There were several treasure chests in the room, which the heroes were eager to open up in hopes of advancing their goal. Unfortunately, there was nothing plot relevant in the chests - only orbs of different colors.

"What are these...?" a legitimately confused Batter questioned.

Omega seemed to recognize them. "Oh... these are orbs. Using them on one's self st-stengthens their attributes, such as physical strength and the mental strength that empowers Competences."

"Are these relevant to our goals?"

"No, no they're not."

"So... what exactly did we accomplish?" inquired Alpha, wondering if there was a point to this whole amusement park area that's been going on for 2000+ words so far.

"These orbs are useful, but not exactly what we were looking for." the Batter said with a scowl on his face.

"...I murdered a man over a necktie." Omega said quietly.

"A necktie?"

Omega sadly nodded. Or shook. Whatever, he's a fucking onion ring.

They shared the orbs, the people needing them the most raising their attributes, before leaving the office. The amusement park area was calmer than it was earlier; of course, that's only because a majority of the frenzied Elsens conked themselves out during all the hysteria. As they exited out to the park's entrance, they started to wonder where they should go next, and whether it'd actually be worth it or not.

* * *

A cat licked his fur in victory, another horde of phantoms banished.

Japhet, or rather, Valerie, stood out on one of the library's balconies near the top of the tower, overlooking the city. There was much more work to be done about the specters, and some of them still lingered in the tower itself like the dusty, untouched books.

His eyes wandered over to the northern part of the city, which was now nothing more than smoldering ruins. On one hand, the specters in that area were all extinguished. On the other hand, it no longer existed, which was definitely a problem.

"That tunic-wearing felon... he must have done this..!" Valerie said to himself in a bitter tone "He's a threat to my people... nay, to the Queen's world! That man must be rid of!"

His eyes continued to look down on the dreary buildings. Then, among all the pink, he spotted what looked like a white cloud, floating toward the residential district.

"...Hold on... real clouds do not float that low..."

* * *

The main party reached the mainland, riding in a new pedalo. The Batter and stretched his legs while Alpha complained, "That was a waste of time; a nice waste of time but still a fucking waste of time."

"Yes, I doubt that a-anything we did back there was relevant. I only hope that this necktie will be, uh, important."

"Alright, so, what part of the city have we not been to aside from the higher floors of the library?" asked the Batter.

"We haven't been to the east side." Alpha suggested.

"Perfect. If we don't find anything there, we can just wait for the Judge to come around to see if he knows anything." said the Batter.

After a few minutes of walking, they arrive at the other end of the city. The residential area of Bismark is boxed in, with a blockade at its only entrance, like a gated community. There was an Elsen near the blockade, who gave them a suspicious look.

"I-I'm sorry sirs, but I cannot let you... in. Only residents may enter. You must understand that it's for the... hhh... safety of our citizens."

The three turned away from the Elsen to discuss how to get in. "Maybe there's a switch somewhere?" Alpha suggested quietly.

"Maybe. There's usually a switch." the Batter whispered back.

"Or could we just bribe the guy?"

"With what?" Omega replied.

"That stupid tie you're carrying, maybe?"

"Tie...? ...Hold the phone!" Omega shouted, jarring his two allies. "Batter, hold still!"

The Batter, although shocked, chose not to question the Add-On as he flew around him, tying the necktie to his neck.

The Elsen looked at him and had a sudden 180. "Oh! I apologize, I didn't recognize you as a citizen, um, at first!"

The Batter and Alpha were baffled as to how the tie managed to convince him, but they were glad that they were having some progress done. Without any visible method, the Elsen lowered the blockade to allow the Batter through. However, before Alpha and Omega could enter, the Elsen blocked their way.

"Sorry!" the Elsen looked apologetic. "Even if you're, um, friends with him, you still cannot enter without, well, a valid reason. How about you spend time in... the library? It's nice and safe there."

"Er... we do have a reason." Alpha said, with an awkward cough that told the others that he was totally making this up on the spot.

"Oh?"

"...We're from the union."

The Batter had a look of dismay while Omega looked befuddled.

"The union?" the second Add-On asked.

Alpha nudged him. "Yeah, the union. We're, uhhh... here to check the homes of the workers! To see if they're safe and cozy, or some shit."

For a moment, it looked like Alpha had said something incredibly stupid. Thankfully, the Elsen is still a dipshit. "Oh... why didn't you say so? Please, come in. The safety of others come first, I suppose."

The Add-Ons entered - Alpha in particular was surprised that had even worked.

"Please never bring up the union ever again." the Batter muttered to Alpha.

"You guys are actually participating in a union?" asked Omega.

"We founded it. Not that we wanted to..."

The residential area is a nice, idyllic part of the Zone, where nothing usually happens - exactly how its citizens would prefer it to be. Just like with the rest of the city, it was unusually quiet, the only noises coming from the plastic streams that runs through the city. At least, it was supposed to be quiet.

In the northernmost part of the area, a voice could be heard. "...you must heed my warnings! Specters will be upon us any minute now and you must evacuate while I deal with the situation!"

The Batter, Alpha, and Omega went toward the voice and in the area's plaza, they saw Valerie, at the top of a set of stairs, trying to get attention from the Elsens there. However, it seemed that the cat was the judge of an unruly court, trying desperately to rein their attentions back to the matter at hand.

"Where is that voice coming from...?"

"Are the... sp-specters real?"

"No, it's presumably somebody throwing their voice, trying to prank us."

"Yes. This place is very safe."

"No! No it isn't!" screamed Valerie with a mixture of desperation and frustration.

"Where is the voice?"

"I only see an old cat..."

"See? Someone's pretending that the cat is speaking. What... a mean prank."

"C-cat? ….Cats sometimes carry diseases. I find that... unsettling."

"Listen to my pleas! I am Japhet, the creator of this city! I may not look like it, but..."

Valerie's begging was absorbed into nothingness as the Elsens started to speculate who was "pranking" them. Meanwhile, a light fog started to set it, as the situation worsens.

"What's with this damn fog?" Alpha openly asked. "Even I know that fog just doesn't come from nowhere."

Even the Batter and Omega were at a loss. Out of curiosity, the Batter tried to use Wide Angle to scan the Silent Hill like phenomenon. Then, the expression on his face flickered into a scowl when he identified it. "This isn't fog."

That's when the true nature of the fog revealed itself. Cackling came from deep within the fog, which alarmed everyone. Then, a smiling face appeared in the fog. Then another. Then another. Faces kept appearing until it became apparent that the laughter came from the fog itself. The villainous faces of the specters stared down at the Elsens, who started to panic.

"T-the specters are real!" one screamed while twitching.

"Hhhhh... won't... I won't let them get me!"

The Elsens then scattered, running into different directions while screaming. The fog then began to break off and separate into different parts; large specters with multiple faces forms, yet some of the faces were clamorous to break off into different bodies. However, one thing they shared other than a body was the desire to spook the shit out of the civilians. The phantoms started to float off, in pursuit of the Elsens. The self-proclaimed guardian let out an angry cry and launched himself at one of the specters, cutting it up with his claws.

The Batter and his companions looked at the hysteria surrounding him. Omega was as panicky as the Elsens. "Th-the sp-specters are everywhere! W-we need to r-r-restore order, or they'll continue to r-run amuck!"

"That's not the only thing to be concerned about." the Batter looked at the intense fear that the Elsens displayed on their faces and the light smoke spilling through their mouths.. "As I said, all Elsens will become Burnt sooner or later - this is only speeding up the process. If we don't deal with the specters quick enough, they won't be the only enemies to deal with."

* * *

_The story is now on **PAUSE.**_

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** _ Originally, this chapter would have had both the amusement park area and the residential area, but due to chapters constantly getting longer and longer, I only wrote the beginning of the residential area part of the game. However, the next chapter will finish up Zone 2; hopefully I finish it before I go to school._

_..._

_Please don't let me go back to school._

_I don't want to be burnt._


End file.
